DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a mother of twin daughters who are graduating from high school this year and preparing to head off to college. They both dreamed of going to the University of Notre Dame, and they worked hard throughout high school to make it happen. When the acceptance letters came in, only one of them made it. The other, unfortunately, did not. She was devastated. We encouraged her to enroll in a local community college with the plan to transfer to Notre Dame in a year or two if things go well. She agreed to this, but ever since the decisions came out, there’s been a lot of tension in our home. The daughter who got in is trying not to make a big deal out of it, but she’s obviously excited and proud. The one who didn’t get in feels left behind, and I can tell she’s battling feelings of rejection, jealousy and low self-worth. They’ve been snapping at each other more often and keeping their distance. How can I support them both in this difficult transition without adding more pressure or making one feel smaller than the other? -- Twin Blues

DEAR TWIN BLUES: Did your daughter apply to any other schools? Colleges are so competitive that it is wise to cast a wide net so that you have choices. If she has any other acceptance offers, encourage her to focus on those. If not, community college for sure -- but not necessarily with her only goal being a transfer to Notre Dame. What is she interested in? What schools specialize in those passions? This may be a pivotal moment for both of them to gain some independence from each other. Yes, it will be hard at first, but not going to the same school may turn out to be exactly what they need.

Meanwhile, encourage your daughter to think about her future and plot out a plan. Now is the time to take charge of her life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think my husband has decided to convert to a new religion. He hasn’t come out and said it officially, but I see some of the books he’s reading, certain things he’s cut out of his diet and holidays he no longer celebrates. We’ve been married for about three years, and we’ve always been religious people, but for as long as we’ve known each other, we had practiced the same faith and shared the same beliefs.

Before we got married, we discussed and agreed on what things we would teach our children and what things we would allow them to figure out on their own. Now that he’s converting, I am worried about our son and what that means for him. I think my husband has the same concern, and that is what has been keeping him from telling me explicitly about his new faith. What should I do? -- Family Faith

DEAR FAMILY FAITH: I can see that you are afraid, but now is the time to speak up. Tell your husband that you have noticed different patterns in his practices and faith. Ask him what is going on and whether he is considering converting to a religion that is different from what the two of you practiced together. Be genuinely curious; this will allow him to open up with less trepidation. If it is true, you will have to figure out how to stay with him when he's actively pursuing another way of engaging the world.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was out for a walk with my dog when out of nowhere, my neighbor’s dog came charging toward us. He had slipped out of his collar and was clearly not under control. He lunged at me and my dog, growling and snapping. I had to shield my dog and myself, and for a moment, I genuinely thought we were going to get seriously hurt.

What shocked me almost as much as the attack itself was my neighbor’s reaction. He just stood there, frozen, doing absolutely nothing to intervene. He didn’t call the dog back, didn’t run over, didn’t even speak. Eventually, the dog calmed down and ran back to him, but I was left angry and confused. I had a few scratches, but thankfully nothing major, and my dog wasn’t seriously injured either; it could have been much worse.

Since then, I haven’t spoken to my neighbor about the incident because I’m honestly not sure what to say. I don’t want to escalate things, but I also feel like I deserve some kind of acknowledgment or apology. Should I confront my neighbor? -- Bad Dog

DEAR BAD DOG: You must speak to your neighbor. State how frightened you were when his dog charged at you and your dog. Tell him you are surprised and disappointed that he didn’t do anything in the moment or reach out to make sure you were OK or to apologize for the incident. Acknowledge that it seemed the dog had somehow gotten free of his collar, so you know the neighbor wasn’t intentionally negligent, but you still feel unsettled with his lack of closure. Make sure he has a plan for if this happens again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 4-year-old nephew has experienced a lot of death in his young life. Recently, he lost his paternal grandmother, and his maternal grandmother is near her end. A close neighbor friend, a young woman, lost her battle to breast cancer as well.

My nephew is asking lots of questions, which makes sense, but it’s hard to know what to tell him. His parents are doing a good job when they talk to him, but recently he asked me if I was going to die. My knee-jerk reaction was to say no, but I felt like I was insulting him by saying that. He is a kid, but he’s genuinely curious. What is the right thing to say in this situation? -- Death Talk

DEAR DEATH TALK: Everyone dies. That’s a fact, so saying otherwise is dishonest and can lead to confusion. When your nephew brings up this topic again, ask him what he’s thinking about. It is likely that his thoughts have led him to a specific situation, conflict or activity. React to that rather than getting defensive. Tell him that everybody dies at some point; most people live to be old, but some, like his neighbor, go sooner. Tell him death is nothing to be afraid of -- it’s a stage in the life cycle. A book that can support your nephew is “My Grief Comfort Book: Creative Activities To Help Kids Cope With Loss and Keep Memories Alive” by Brie Overton.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got married, and while most of the day went beautifully, there’s one thing that’s really been bothering me: One of my bridesmaids, whom I considered a close friend, didn’t show up to the wedding. She never told me why. We had been in touch leading up to the big day, and as far as I knew, everything was fine. She had her dress, she was at the wedding rehearsal and she seemed excited for me. When the day came, though, she was just ... gone. No text, no call, no explanation. She didn’t reach out the day of, and she hasn’t reached out since. It’s been weeks. I’ve gone back and forth between being hurt, confused and angry. Part of me wants to call her and ask what happened, but another part of me feels like the silence speaks for itself. I’m trying not to let this overshadow such an important time in my life, but it really stings -- especially since she was someone I thought would be standing beside me for such a big milestone. Should I reach out or let the friendship go? -- Missing Bridesmaid

DEAR MISSING BRIDESMAID: Reach out to her. You didn’t say if anyone else has given you a report about her. If you have not heard anything, you should be worried that something bad happened to her. It is odd for a bridesmaid to go AWOL for a wedding. Something significant must have happened to stop her from showing up. She may be embarrassed that she ghosted you. Who knows?

There is one way to find out. Reach out to her and ask her what happened. From there, you will know whether you should be concerned for her well-being. You can also ask whether she needs help. Try not to let this affect your friendship unless she clearly indicates that it should.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Throughout my childhood, my parents were not exactly kind. They were often pitting their children against each other, using religion to justify harsh punishment and ridicule and being verbally abusive. When I was 17, they kicked me out, and I went to live elsewhere.

It’s almost a decade later, and things are strained at best. My extended family encourages me to stay in touch with my parents, and while I do try, I feel tired. Every talk with them is filled with criticism and hate, and I feel anxious about picking up the phone or going to their house. My mother threw a fit before my wedding day, causing me to feel nervous the entire day, hoping she wouldn't explode. To be honest, I did not want them there.

I am struggling to be a good daughter and keep my sanity. I don't want them in my life. Do I say something to them, or do I just fade into the background? Pointing out their behavior results in screaming, crying and them insisting that they're doing their best. I can't handle any more from them, and I am searching for a good therapist to help me come to terms with everything. -- Desperate Daughter

DEAR DESPERATE DAUGHTER: Live your life. Stop reaching out to them. You do not have to put yourself in an abusive environment, even if it is with your parents. They threw you out long ago. Stay out. You should definitely engage a therapist to help you heal your heart.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)