DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got married, and while most of the day went beautifully, there’s one thing that’s really been bothering me: One of my bridesmaids, whom I considered a close friend, didn’t show up to the wedding. She never told me why. We had been in touch leading up to the big day, and as far as I knew, everything was fine. She had her dress, she was at the wedding rehearsal and she seemed excited for me. When the day came, though, she was just ... gone. No text, no call, no explanation. She didn’t reach out the day of, and she hasn’t reached out since. It’s been weeks. I’ve gone back and forth between being hurt, confused and angry. Part of me wants to call her and ask what happened, but another part of me feels like the silence speaks for itself. I’m trying not to let this overshadow such an important time in my life, but it really stings -- especially since she was someone I thought would be standing beside me for such a big milestone. Should I reach out or let the friendship go? -- Missing Bridesmaid

DEAR MISSING BRIDESMAID: Reach out to her. You didn’t say if anyone else has given you a report about her. If you have not heard anything, you should be worried that something bad happened to her. It is odd for a bridesmaid to go AWOL for a wedding. Something significant must have happened to stop her from showing up. She may be embarrassed that she ghosted you. Who knows?

There is one way to find out. Reach out to her and ask her what happened. From there, you will know whether you should be concerned for her well-being. You can also ask whether she needs help. Try not to let this affect your friendship unless she clearly indicates that it should.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Throughout my childhood, my parents were not exactly kind. They were often pitting their children against each other, using religion to justify harsh punishment and ridicule and being verbally abusive. When I was 17, they kicked me out, and I went to live elsewhere.

It’s almost a decade later, and things are strained at best. My extended family encourages me to stay in touch with my parents, and while I do try, I feel tired. Every talk with them is filled with criticism and hate, and I feel anxious about picking up the phone or going to their house. My mother threw a fit before my wedding day, causing me to feel nervous the entire day, hoping she wouldn't explode. To be honest, I did not want them there.

I am struggling to be a good daughter and keep my sanity. I don't want them in my life. Do I say something to them, or do I just fade into the background? Pointing out their behavior results in screaming, crying and them insisting that they're doing their best. I can't handle any more from them, and I am searching for a good therapist to help me come to terms with everything. -- Desperate Daughter

DEAR DESPERATE DAUGHTER: Live your life. Stop reaching out to them. You do not have to put yourself in an abusive environment, even if it is with your parents. They threw you out long ago. Stay out. You should definitely engage a therapist to help you heal your heart.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARIETTE: I have been arguing with my husband for years. He regularly speaks to me like I am an idiot. He is rude and downright nasty. I have pleaded with him to stop treating me like this. I have asked him to go to therapy with me so we can figure out how to communicate better, but he refuses.

We had a huge blow-up the other day when I challenged him because he had been especially rude to me; he screamed at me, saying he does not want to change and will not change. I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep living like this. I don’t think I can afford to live on my own, though. Moreover, I am afraid. We have been together for so long that I’m not sure how to live by myself. -- Trapped

DEAR TRAPPED: You are suffering from emotional abuse. Get to a mental health counselor now. Work with someone to sort through your issues and create a game plan for your future. Yes, it is scary, but you deserve to be treated better. Know that while it feels insurmountable today to take action, you deserve to be treated with respect. If your husband is unwilling or unable to do that, you owe it to yourself to get out of that relationship. Will it be hard? Yes. Can you do it? Absolutely. If you need help with any of this or feel unsafe, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 right away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I really enjoy reading your column, but I have to say, your answer to “Overeater,” the person who thought her friend "may have a food addiction" had my jaw dropping.

Here’s what you should have said: Apologize to your friend. She is an adult and has the right to make her own choices about food -- or anything else, for that matter. That she rebuffed your unsolicited "advice" once should be a big hint. She said you were rude, and you were. Assuming yourself to be the food police -- or to monitor anyone else about any habit without being asked -- is rude. It is also presumptuous and arrogant to assume that you have no annoying habits or "addictions," or that no one else might have reason to be "concerned" about some of your behaviors. Would you like friends policing you at every event? Be a real friend, accept her for who she is, flaws and all, and put your energy into finding good things in her instead of obsessing over her eating, which is none of your business.

I have to say, Harriette, with all due respect, when you finished your answer with "Try not to judge her," I screamed, “How about you just DON’T JUDGE HER!” -- Think Again

DEAR THINK AGAIN: Thank you for this cold water to the face. Perhaps this topic touches me too closely. I have a dear friend who has struggled with an eating disorder for years. I have mostly said nothing and have always stood by her, asking only once years ago if there might be something for her to address. When she finally told me about her condition and sought help, I was her cheerleader. I see the devastation it has caused her body, and it pains me that I couldn’t help more. I long for loved ones to be able to be more supportive. As you have pointed out, that is her business. Sadly, I stand corrected.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m feeling frustrated and concerned after a recent experience involving my 8-year-old daughter. She has a severe peanut allergy, and last weekend, I allowed her to spend the night at her friend's house for the first time. I made sure to inform the other child’s parents ahead of time about her allergy and even sent her EpiPen with her, just in case. They assured me they understood and would be careful. However, when my daughter came home the next day, she told me that during dessert, she was given something that contained peanut butter. She ended up having an allergic reaction and had to use her EpiPen while at their house. The parents never contacted me about the incident. If my daughter hadn’t told me, I would not have known that she had a potentially life-threatening reaction while under their care. I'm trying to decide how to approach the other parents about what happened. How would you suggest I handle this conversation? -- Life-Threatening

DEAR LIFE-THREATENING: Whenever someone needs to use an EpiPen, the next step can sometimes be a visit to the hospital to get examined. The person having the reaction must be monitored by someone familiar with their condition to make sure the symptoms are fully resolved and do not return. It is also recommended that people with life-threatening allergies carry two EpiPens in case a second dose is needed.

You should contact the parents immediately and ask what happened. Tell them that your daughter informed you of her allergic reaction and the need to use the EpiPen. Ask why they didn’t contact you immediately and have you come get your daughter. There is no excuse for their behavior. I imagine they were frightened and embarrassed that this happened on their watch. Since she seemed to be OK after using the medicine, they may have thought they were in the clear. That is no excuse! You should be upset, and you should not allow your daughter to spend the night there again.

This doesn’t mean that she can never have a sleepover again. Instead, make the steps clear with any other parents as to how to care for your daughter to avoid an allergic reaction and what to do if one occurs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In your recent answer to “Guilty,” the person who got her friend sick by being around her when she was ill, you missed an opportunity to highlight the importance and politeness of wearing a mask when sick and the intelligence of wearing one to prevent yourself from getting sick, both daily and before a big event that you don't want to miss. Masks have become foolishly political despite having been used like this in Asia for decades before COVID-19 began. -- Get Smart

DEAR GET SMART: Great suggestion! I live in New York City, and I remember seeing people on the subway and in the streets wearing masks years before the pandemic. I thought about it when we all began to wear masks. Some people had looked at those mask-wearers with disdain and curiosity, but many of the peoples wearing the masks were from densely populated areas, and it was a safety precaution long before COVID-19 spread. You are right that it can literally be a lifesaver now.

Another positive side effect is that wearing a mask during allergy season dramatically cuts back on allergy symptoms in some patients.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)