DEAR HARIETTE: I have been arguing with my husband for years. He regularly speaks to me like I am an idiot. He is rude and downright nasty. I have pleaded with him to stop treating me like this. I have asked him to go to therapy with me so we can figure out how to communicate better, but he refuses.

We had a huge blow-up the other day when I challenged him because he had been especially rude to me; he screamed at me, saying he does not want to change and will not change. I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep living like this. I don’t think I can afford to live on my own, though. Moreover, I am afraid. We have been together for so long that I’m not sure how to live by myself. -- Trapped

DEAR TRAPPED: You are suffering from emotional abuse. Get to a mental health counselor now. Work with someone to sort through your issues and create a game plan for your future. Yes, it is scary, but you deserve to be treated better. Know that while it feels insurmountable today to take action, you deserve to be treated with respect. If your husband is unwilling or unable to do that, you owe it to yourself to get out of that relationship. Will it be hard? Yes. Can you do it? Absolutely. If you need help with any of this or feel unsafe, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 right away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I really enjoy reading your column, but I have to say, your answer to “Overeater,” the person who thought her friend "may have a food addiction" had my jaw dropping.

Here’s what you should have said: Apologize to your friend. She is an adult and has the right to make her own choices about food -- or anything else, for that matter. That she rebuffed your unsolicited "advice" once should be a big hint. She said you were rude, and you were. Assuming yourself to be the food police -- or to monitor anyone else about any habit without being asked -- is rude. It is also presumptuous and arrogant to assume that you have no annoying habits or "addictions," or that no one else might have reason to be "concerned" about some of your behaviors. Would you like friends policing you at every event? Be a real friend, accept her for who she is, flaws and all, and put your energy into finding good things in her instead of obsessing over her eating, which is none of your business.

I have to say, Harriette, with all due respect, when you finished your answer with "Try not to judge her," I screamed, “How about you just DON’T JUDGE HER!” -- Think Again

DEAR THINK AGAIN: Thank you for this cold water to the face. Perhaps this topic touches me too closely. I have a dear friend who has struggled with an eating disorder for years. I have mostly said nothing and have always stood by her, asking only once years ago if there might be something for her to address. When she finally told me about her condition and sought help, I was her cheerleader. I see the devastation it has caused her body, and it pains me that I couldn’t help more. I long for loved ones to be able to be more supportive. As you have pointed out, that is her business. Sadly, I stand corrected.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m feeling frustrated and concerned after a recent experience involving my 8-year-old daughter. She has a severe peanut allergy, and last weekend, I allowed her to spend the night at her friend's house for the first time. I made sure to inform the other child’s parents ahead of time about her allergy and even sent her EpiPen with her, just in case. They assured me they understood and would be careful. However, when my daughter came home the next day, she told me that during dessert, she was given something that contained peanut butter. She ended up having an allergic reaction and had to use her EpiPen while at their house. The parents never contacted me about the incident. If my daughter hadn’t told me, I would not have known that she had a potentially life-threatening reaction while under their care. I'm trying to decide how to approach the other parents about what happened. How would you suggest I handle this conversation? -- Life-Threatening

DEAR LIFE-THREATENING: Whenever someone needs to use an EpiPen, the next step can sometimes be a visit to the hospital to get examined. The person having the reaction must be monitored by someone familiar with their condition to make sure the symptoms are fully resolved and do not return. It is also recommended that people with life-threatening allergies carry two EpiPens in case a second dose is needed.

You should contact the parents immediately and ask what happened. Tell them that your daughter informed you of her allergic reaction and the need to use the EpiPen. Ask why they didn’t contact you immediately and have you come get your daughter. There is no excuse for their behavior. I imagine they were frightened and embarrassed that this happened on their watch. Since she seemed to be OK after using the medicine, they may have thought they were in the clear. That is no excuse! You should be upset, and you should not allow your daughter to spend the night there again.

This doesn’t mean that she can never have a sleepover again. Instead, make the steps clear with any other parents as to how to care for your daughter to avoid an allergic reaction and what to do if one occurs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In your recent answer to “Guilty,” the person who got her friend sick by being around her when she was ill, you missed an opportunity to highlight the importance and politeness of wearing a mask when sick and the intelligence of wearing one to prevent yourself from getting sick, both daily and before a big event that you don't want to miss. Masks have become foolishly political despite having been used like this in Asia for decades before COVID-19 began. -- Get Smart

DEAR GET SMART: Great suggestion! I live in New York City, and I remember seeing people on the subway and in the streets wearing masks years before the pandemic. I thought about it when we all began to wear masks. Some people had looked at those mask-wearers with disdain and curiosity, but many of the peoples wearing the masks were from densely populated areas, and it was a safety precaution long before COVID-19 spread. You are right that it can literally be a lifesaver now.

Another positive side effect is that wearing a mask during allergy season dramatically cuts back on allergy symptoms in some patients.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom is such a hard worker! She has an incredible story that includes learning English as her second language, going to college, struggling to find work, going back to college while pregnant to pursue a more promising path, graduating and providing for me and my siblings for as long as I can remember. She is now on her way to retirement, and it feels long overdue. She can barely contain her excitement!

Recently, my mom received some bad news regarding her vision, which is deteriorating. Her doctors confirmed that her condition can be asymptomatic. Her mood as of late has totally shifted. I don’t want this well-deserved rest and reclaiming of her own life to be overshadowed by health issues, but I don’t know what to do to lift her spirits. I try to be present with her for important appointments, and I research remedies. Is there anything else I can do to get her positivity back on track? -- Supermom

DEAR SUPERMOM: Life has a way of throwing curveballs into the schedule that we create for ourselves. Just as your mother is on the brink of a huge pivot in her life, she has to face a health challenge. Yes, it seems unfair, but it is real.

Be there for your mom. Assure her that whatever happens, you and the family will rally to support her. She can still look forward to retirement, but now there is more on her plate to handle than she thought. Thank goodness she will be able to retire before a health setback could make it impossible for her to work. Help her to see the blessings in each moment. Just be present for her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A close friend of mine wasn’t going to be able to make rent this month. She was stressed and didn’t know what to do, so I helped her out and loaned her the money. I didn’t want her to risk getting evicted or falling further behind. Now that a few weeks have passed, I’m starting to feel uneasy. She hasn’t brought up paying me back, and I haven’t asked because I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. I know she’s still trying to get back on her feet financially. At the same time, I’m not sure when or whether I should expect the money to come back. If she couldn’t afford rent before, I don’t see how she’ll suddenly have extra cash to repay me on top of her other expenses. I didn’t set clear terms when I gave her the money, which I now realize might’ve been a mistake.

I value our friendship, but I can’t afford to give away money without some sort of plan. How do I approach this without damaging our relationship or making her feel like I’m putting pressure on her during a hard time? -- Payback

DEAR PAYBACK: It’s unrealistic to expect your money back soon. Yes, you should have established a payment plan before, but here you are. Ask your friend when and how she intends to repay this debt, but know that it will not likely be in the near future. You need to be OK with that. You chose to lend her the money without making a plan. It might even be best to consider the loan a gift to her and a lesson learned for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)