DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m feeling frustrated and concerned after a recent experience involving my 8-year-old daughter. She has a severe peanut allergy, and last weekend, I allowed her to spend the night at her friend's house for the first time. I made sure to inform the other child’s parents ahead of time about her allergy and even sent her EpiPen with her, just in case. They assured me they understood and would be careful. However, when my daughter came home the next day, she told me that during dessert, she was given something that contained peanut butter. She ended up having an allergic reaction and had to use her EpiPen while at their house. The parents never contacted me about the incident. If my daughter hadn’t told me, I would not have known that she had a potentially life-threatening reaction while under their care. I'm trying to decide how to approach the other parents about what happened. How would you suggest I handle this conversation? -- Life-Threatening

DEAR LIFE-THREATENING: Whenever someone needs to use an EpiPen, the next step can sometimes be a visit to the hospital to get examined. The person having the reaction must be monitored by someone familiar with their condition to make sure the symptoms are fully resolved and do not return. It is also recommended that people with life-threatening allergies carry two EpiPens in case a second dose is needed.

You should contact the parents immediately and ask what happened. Tell them that your daughter informed you of her allergic reaction and the need to use the EpiPen. Ask why they didn’t contact you immediately and have you come get your daughter. There is no excuse for their behavior. I imagine they were frightened and embarrassed that this happened on their watch. Since she seemed to be OK after using the medicine, they may have thought they were in the clear. That is no excuse! You should be upset, and you should not allow your daughter to spend the night there again.

This doesn’t mean that she can never have a sleepover again. Instead, make the steps clear with any other parents as to how to care for your daughter to avoid an allergic reaction and what to do if one occurs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In your recent answer to “Guilty,” the person who got her friend sick by being around her when she was ill, you missed an opportunity to highlight the importance and politeness of wearing a mask when sick and the intelligence of wearing one to prevent yourself from getting sick, both daily and before a big event that you don't want to miss. Masks have become foolishly political despite having been used like this in Asia for decades before COVID-19 began. -- Get Smart

DEAR GET SMART: Great suggestion! I live in New York City, and I remember seeing people on the subway and in the streets wearing masks years before the pandemic. I thought about it when we all began to wear masks. Some people had looked at those mask-wearers with disdain and curiosity, but many of the peoples wearing the masks were from densely populated areas, and it was a safety precaution long before COVID-19 spread. You are right that it can literally be a lifesaver now.

Another positive side effect is that wearing a mask during allergy season dramatically cuts back on allergy symptoms in some patients.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom is such a hard worker! She has an incredible story that includes learning English as her second language, going to college, struggling to find work, going back to college while pregnant to pursue a more promising path, graduating and providing for me and my siblings for as long as I can remember. She is now on her way to retirement, and it feels long overdue. She can barely contain her excitement!

Recently, my mom received some bad news regarding her vision, which is deteriorating. Her doctors confirmed that her condition can be asymptomatic. Her mood as of late has totally shifted. I don’t want this well-deserved rest and reclaiming of her own life to be overshadowed by health issues, but I don’t know what to do to lift her spirits. I try to be present with her for important appointments, and I research remedies. Is there anything else I can do to get her positivity back on track? -- Supermom

DEAR SUPERMOM: Life has a way of throwing curveballs into the schedule that we create for ourselves. Just as your mother is on the brink of a huge pivot in her life, she has to face a health challenge. Yes, it seems unfair, but it is real.

Be there for your mom. Assure her that whatever happens, you and the family will rally to support her. She can still look forward to retirement, but now there is more on her plate to handle than she thought. Thank goodness she will be able to retire before a health setback could make it impossible for her to work. Help her to see the blessings in each moment. Just be present for her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A close friend of mine wasn’t going to be able to make rent this month. She was stressed and didn’t know what to do, so I helped her out and loaned her the money. I didn’t want her to risk getting evicted or falling further behind. Now that a few weeks have passed, I’m starting to feel uneasy. She hasn’t brought up paying me back, and I haven’t asked because I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. I know she’s still trying to get back on her feet financially. At the same time, I’m not sure when or whether I should expect the money to come back. If she couldn’t afford rent before, I don’t see how she’ll suddenly have extra cash to repay me on top of her other expenses. I didn’t set clear terms when I gave her the money, which I now realize might’ve been a mistake.

I value our friendship, but I can’t afford to give away money without some sort of plan. How do I approach this without damaging our relationship or making her feel like I’m putting pressure on her during a hard time? -- Payback

DEAR PAYBACK: It’s unrealistic to expect your money back soon. Yes, you should have established a payment plan before, but here you are. Ask your friend when and how she intends to repay this debt, but know that it will not likely be in the near future. You need to be OK with that. You chose to lend her the money without making a plan. It might even be best to consider the loan a gift to her and a lesson learned for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Earlier this year, I met someone at a friend’s birthday party. I thought he was handsome, and my friend ended up fixing us up. We live in different states, so we exchanged numbers and kept in touch. We talked often on the phone, and I felt comfortable with him.

He offered to visit me in person, staying in a hotel and taking me out throughout the weekend. I appreciated that he wasn’t presumptuous, but upon his arrival, everything seemed to change. Apparently, he came with expectations. Whenever we were together, he’d make sexual advances, which came as a surprise to me since we hadn’t entered that territory yet. Throughout the weekend, his mood and attitude wavered, and I couldn’t pinpoint why. Eventually he admitted that he was sexually frustrated.

I feel violated even though technically nothing happened. Why would someone give me one impression and then fly 1,000 miles in hopes of something else? I cut ties with this person, but I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I was too naive. Why is this bothering me so much? Any advice? -- Wrong Impression

DEAR WRONG IMPRESSION: These days, it’s not surprising that if this man flew 1,000 miles to see you, he expected sex in return. That doesn’t mean you were obligated to do it, but it’s not an unusual thought. You two probably should have spoken openly about your expectations for the weekend. You could have stated that you were looking forward to seeing him and getting to know him better, but also that you intended to take it slow. Yes, you probably were a bit naive. In the future, if you find yourself in a similar situation, state what you want upfront so there’s no room for misinterpretation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My middle-aged son recently moved out, and I don’t think he is prepared. He’s had a hard time taking responsibility over the past decade or so, and he has not been great with staying employed. His decision came just a couple of months after securing a new job. It’s not that I don’t want him to be on his own two feet -- trust me, I do -- but I worry that this is a premature decision that may cost him a pretty penny. When he gave me the news, he’d already signed a sublease with a friend who is out of town indefinitely. None of this makes me feel any more secure about his decision. It all came as a surprise to me because he said he’d already started moving his stuff to his new place and would be gone within a day or two of the conversation we were having.

I want to be able to give him some pointers without that conversation being riddled with my personal emotions surrounding his abrupt notice. I’m not sure I know how to be supportive while I’m offended. -- Moving Out

DEAR MOVING OUT: Your middle-aged son should not need your advice at this stage for how to live alone. Good for him that he is making the effort to cut the cord. Let him. If he makes mistakes, so be it. He has to learn to be independent. Do not be offended. Though he didn’t handle his leaving in the best way, he is leaving, and that is a good thing for both of you. Let it be with your blessing.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)