DEAR HARRIETTE: Earlier this year, I met someone at a friend’s birthday party. I thought he was handsome, and my friend ended up fixing us up. We live in different states, so we exchanged numbers and kept in touch. We talked often on the phone, and I felt comfortable with him.

He offered to visit me in person, staying in a hotel and taking me out throughout the weekend. I appreciated that he wasn’t presumptuous, but upon his arrival, everything seemed to change. Apparently, he came with expectations. Whenever we were together, he’d make sexual advances, which came as a surprise to me since we hadn’t entered that territory yet. Throughout the weekend, his mood and attitude wavered, and I couldn’t pinpoint why. Eventually he admitted that he was sexually frustrated.

I feel violated even though technically nothing happened. Why would someone give me one impression and then fly 1,000 miles in hopes of something else? I cut ties with this person, but I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I was too naive. Why is this bothering me so much? Any advice? -- Wrong Impression

DEAR WRONG IMPRESSION: These days, it’s not surprising that if this man flew 1,000 miles to see you, he expected sex in return. That doesn’t mean you were obligated to do it, but it’s not an unusual thought. You two probably should have spoken openly about your expectations for the weekend. You could have stated that you were looking forward to seeing him and getting to know him better, but also that you intended to take it slow. Yes, you probably were a bit naive. In the future, if you find yourself in a similar situation, state what you want upfront so there’s no room for misinterpretation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My middle-aged son recently moved out, and I don’t think he is prepared. He’s had a hard time taking responsibility over the past decade or so, and he has not been great with staying employed. His decision came just a couple of months after securing a new job. It’s not that I don’t want him to be on his own two feet -- trust me, I do -- but I worry that this is a premature decision that may cost him a pretty penny. When he gave me the news, he’d already signed a sublease with a friend who is out of town indefinitely. None of this makes me feel any more secure about his decision. It all came as a surprise to me because he said he’d already started moving his stuff to his new place and would be gone within a day or two of the conversation we were having.

I want to be able to give him some pointers without that conversation being riddled with my personal emotions surrounding his abrupt notice. I’m not sure I know how to be supportive while I’m offended. -- Moving Out

DEAR MOVING OUT: Your middle-aged son should not need your advice at this stage for how to live alone. Good for him that he is making the effort to cut the cord. Let him. If he makes mistakes, so be it. He has to learn to be independent. Do not be offended. Though he didn’t handle his leaving in the best way, he is leaving, and that is a good thing for both of you. Let it be with your blessing.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 4-year-old son absolutely hates going to day care. Every morning is a struggle. He cries the moment he realizes it’s time to go and clings to me when I try to drop him off. It’s not just a passing phase or a little separation anxiety; this has been going on for months, and nothing we do seems to help.

My husband and I have tried everything we can think of. We’ve had conversations with the day care teachers, tried to create positive associations and even switched to a different day care center, hoping a new environment might make a difference. Unfortunately, the same thing happened. No matter where we go, the reaction is the same. The difficult part is that we don’t have another option. Both my husband and I need to work full-time jobs in order to stay financially stable, and we don’t have nearby family who can step in to help with child care.

I feel guilty every time I leave him crying, and it's starting to take a toll on both of us emotionally. Do you have any advice for how we can make this transition easier for him or how to know if this just isn’t the right kind of environment for our child? -- Day Care Woes

DEAR DAY CARE WOES: I have two ideas. First, explain to your child that his work is day care, just like your work is whatever it is. Take him to your job one day, and show him where you sit and what you do. Then go to his day care and spend the day with him and have him show you what he does. Each day after that, you can wish each other a good day at work and review your day when you come home.

My second suggestion is to get a child psychologist to work with your son to help unpack whatever insecurities he is experiencing and potentially redirect or neutralize his fears.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like the go-to person in my life. Friends, family and colleagues know to ask me for favors because I am willing to help or am likely to say yes. My question is: When can I expect the same? I used to think I did it because I enjoyed helping people, but lately it feels a lot less enjoyable and more like I’ve become a lackey. I struggle to say no, to leave conversations or places that don’t serve me, to set boundaries that preserve my peace and energy. I am beginning to feel taken advantage of by loved ones.

At a group event a couple of weeks ago, I overheard a friend of mine telling people that I would be helping them build out various aspects of their business -- something we’ve never discussed. When I questioned them about it, they said they just figured I’d be willing. How did I get here? -- Too Helpful

DEAR TOO HELPFUL: You got there by always saying yes. Now it’s time to stop. When people ask you to do something you do not want to or have time to do, say no. It may be hard at first, but you can do it. That is much healthier than being overburdened or resentful.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad’s a heavy smoker and has been for as long as I can remember. When I was growing up, he used to smoke inside the house constantly. I remember the smell being everywhere-- in my clothes, in the walls, even in my toys. I developed some health issues that I believe were tied to all that secondhand smoke exposure, and it’s something I’ve carried with me into adulthood.

I have two young children of my own, ages 2 and 6, and I’m protective of their health. I’ve made it clear to my dad that I don’t want him smoking around my kids. He doesn’t smoke inside the house when he visits, but whenever we’re outside together -- like in the backyard, at a park or even just walking around -- he lights up without thinking twice. I’ve reminded him multiple times, but he either brushes it off or says things like, “We’re outside, it’s fine,” or “One puff isn’t going to hurt them.” It’s beyond frustrating. How can I get through to him in a way that doesn’t feel like an attack but still makes it clear that this is non-negotiable for me? -- Stop Smoking

DEAR STOP SMOKING: Now is the time to be direct and firm. Tell your father that if he continues to smoke around your children, he is no longer welcome to come over. Show him data regarding the negative impact of secondhand smoke on others, and tell him that as much as you love him, you are unwilling to subject your children to what you had to endure your whole life.

You are not overreacting; the negative impacts of secondhand smoke are significant. Think coronary heart disease, stroke, lung cancer and adverse reproductive health effects in women, as well as sudden infant death syndrome, respiratory infections, ear infections and asthma attacks in children. For more information, visit cdc.gov/tobacco/secondhand-smoke/health.html.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A close friend of mine will be celebrating a milestone birthday in about two months. We’ve been friends for nearly 15 years, and she has always made it her duty to be there for me -- especially for special occasions. We haven’t lived in the same city for eight years, so it means the world to me that she’s always supporting me. For her birthday this year she’s taking a trip to the Caribbean. I won’t be able to join due to financial constraints, but I still want to celebrate her. Do you have any unique and affordable suggestions for making a loved one feel special when you can’t be present with them? -- Long-Distance Birthday

DEAR LONG-DISTANCE BIRTHDAY: Make her a birthday video telling her highlights of your friendship and how much you appreciate her. If you know her other friends, invite them to submit birthday messages and create a compilation that you share with her. Coordinate with someone who is going on the trip to have it played for her during one of the celebratory moments.

If you know where’s she’s staying, you could call ahead and have the front desk deliver a bottle of champagne or bouquet of flowers that she can enjoy on the trip.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)