DEAR HARRIETTE: My 4-year-old son absolutely hates going to day care. Every morning is a struggle. He cries the moment he realizes it’s time to go and clings to me when I try to drop him off. It’s not just a passing phase or a little separation anxiety; this has been going on for months, and nothing we do seems to help.

My husband and I have tried everything we can think of. We’ve had conversations with the day care teachers, tried to create positive associations and even switched to a different day care center, hoping a new environment might make a difference. Unfortunately, the same thing happened. No matter where we go, the reaction is the same. The difficult part is that we don’t have another option. Both my husband and I need to work full-time jobs in order to stay financially stable, and we don’t have nearby family who can step in to help with child care.

I feel guilty every time I leave him crying, and it's starting to take a toll on both of us emotionally. Do you have any advice for how we can make this transition easier for him or how to know if this just isn’t the right kind of environment for our child? -- Day Care Woes

DEAR DAY CARE WOES: I have two ideas. First, explain to your child that his work is day care, just like your work is whatever it is. Take him to your job one day, and show him where you sit and what you do. Then go to his day care and spend the day with him and have him show you what he does. Each day after that, you can wish each other a good day at work and review your day when you come home.

My second suggestion is to get a child psychologist to work with your son to help unpack whatever insecurities he is experiencing and potentially redirect or neutralize his fears.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like the go-to person in my life. Friends, family and colleagues know to ask me for favors because I am willing to help or am likely to say yes. My question is: When can I expect the same? I used to think I did it because I enjoyed helping people, but lately it feels a lot less enjoyable and more like I’ve become a lackey. I struggle to say no, to leave conversations or places that don’t serve me, to set boundaries that preserve my peace and energy. I am beginning to feel taken advantage of by loved ones.

At a group event a couple of weeks ago, I overheard a friend of mine telling people that I would be helping them build out various aspects of their business -- something we’ve never discussed. When I questioned them about it, they said they just figured I’d be willing. How did I get here? -- Too Helpful

DEAR TOO HELPFUL: You got there by always saying yes. Now it’s time to stop. When people ask you to do something you do not want to or have time to do, say no. It may be hard at first, but you can do it. That is much healthier than being overburdened or resentful.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad’s a heavy smoker and has been for as long as I can remember. When I was growing up, he used to smoke inside the house constantly. I remember the smell being everywhere-- in my clothes, in the walls, even in my toys. I developed some health issues that I believe were tied to all that secondhand smoke exposure, and it’s something I’ve carried with me into adulthood.

I have two young children of my own, ages 2 and 6, and I’m protective of their health. I’ve made it clear to my dad that I don’t want him smoking around my kids. He doesn’t smoke inside the house when he visits, but whenever we’re outside together -- like in the backyard, at a park or even just walking around -- he lights up without thinking twice. I’ve reminded him multiple times, but he either brushes it off or says things like, “We’re outside, it’s fine,” or “One puff isn’t going to hurt them.” It’s beyond frustrating. How can I get through to him in a way that doesn’t feel like an attack but still makes it clear that this is non-negotiable for me? -- Stop Smoking

DEAR STOP SMOKING: Now is the time to be direct and firm. Tell your father that if he continues to smoke around your children, he is no longer welcome to come over. Show him data regarding the negative impact of secondhand smoke on others, and tell him that as much as you love him, you are unwilling to subject your children to what you had to endure your whole life.

You are not overreacting; the negative impacts of secondhand smoke are significant. Think coronary heart disease, stroke, lung cancer and adverse reproductive health effects in women, as well as sudden infant death syndrome, respiratory infections, ear infections and asthma attacks in children. For more information, visit cdc.gov/tobacco/secondhand-smoke/health.html.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A close friend of mine will be celebrating a milestone birthday in about two months. We’ve been friends for nearly 15 years, and she has always made it her duty to be there for me -- especially for special occasions. We haven’t lived in the same city for eight years, so it means the world to me that she’s always supporting me. For her birthday this year she’s taking a trip to the Caribbean. I won’t be able to join due to financial constraints, but I still want to celebrate her. Do you have any unique and affordable suggestions for making a loved one feel special when you can’t be present with them? -- Long-Distance Birthday

DEAR LONG-DISTANCE BIRTHDAY: Make her a birthday video telling her highlights of your friendship and how much you appreciate her. If you know her other friends, invite them to submit birthday messages and create a compilation that you share with her. Coordinate with someone who is going on the trip to have it played for her during one of the celebratory moments.

If you know where’s she’s staying, you could call ahead and have the front desk deliver a bottle of champagne or bouquet of flowers that she can enjoy on the trip.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: I just got a reality check from my girlfriend. She left me. In our last argument, she told me that I don’t know how to love and that I push away everyone who tries to do right by me. I think I might’ve crossed a line this time. We’ve had fights before, but they usually end in us taking space or agreeing to disagree. This time I called her dumb. I was angry and the words just came out, but I think that was the last straw. She’s told me I was stubborn before, but I didn’t realize how mean I’ve been in arguments until she decided to leave me. I do love her, and I don’t think she’s dumb; I just thought something she did was dumb. I didn’t mean to be so offensive. How do I get her back? -- Reality Check

DEAR REALITY CHECK: You need to deal with your anger and communications skills. Before trying to convince your ex to come back to you, turn inside to work on yourself. Find a therapist who can help you dive deeply into your own behavior so that you can understand your motivations and come to terms with how you communicate with others.

Apologize to your ex. Let her know that you are sorry for the way you spoke to her and that you are seeing a therapist to help sort things out. Do not pressure her. You have to work on yourself now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I broke up with my boyfriend recently. Even though I know it was the right decision, I’m still sorting through a lot of feelings. The relationship wasn’t terrible, but it had run its course; deep down I knew we weren’t really happy together anymore. Now, just a few weeks later, one of my close friends is encouraging me to go out on a date with one of her boyfriend’s friends. She swears he’s a great guy and says he’s even asked about me before. I’ve seen pictures, and I’ll admit he’s cute and seems like he has a good vibe. Part of me is flattered and curious, but I’m also hesitant. I’m not sure whether I’m ready to jump into anything new yet, even if it’s just a casual date.

I keep wondering whether I should take this as a chance to move forward, meet someone new and have some fun. Another part of me is still processing my breakup and kind of craving space to be by myself for a while. I don’t want to lead anyone on, but I also don’t want to miss out on something potentially great just because I’m afraid or unsure. Is it OK to say no to something that seems good on paper if I’m not feeling fully ready? -- Alone Time

DEAR ALONE TIME: You don’t have to marry the next guy you meet even if you agree to go on a date with him -- or maybe just have your friend arrange for the two of you to run into each other at a casual gathering. Of course you should take time to evaluate your life and decide what you want next, but putting yourself in a position to have a nice time in someone else’s company could be refreshing. It doesn’t mean that you have to do anything more than going out that one time. I say go for it.

To answer your question, there is nothing wrong with saying no if you aren’t ready.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)