DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad’s a heavy smoker and has been for as long as I can remember. When I was growing up, he used to smoke inside the house constantly. I remember the smell being everywhere-- in my clothes, in the walls, even in my toys. I developed some health issues that I believe were tied to all that secondhand smoke exposure, and it’s something I’ve carried with me into adulthood.

I have two young children of my own, ages 2 and 6, and I’m protective of their health. I’ve made it clear to my dad that I don’t want him smoking around my kids. He doesn’t smoke inside the house when he visits, but whenever we’re outside together -- like in the backyard, at a park or even just walking around -- he lights up without thinking twice. I’ve reminded him multiple times, but he either brushes it off or says things like, “We’re outside, it’s fine,” or “One puff isn’t going to hurt them.” It’s beyond frustrating. How can I get through to him in a way that doesn’t feel like an attack but still makes it clear that this is non-negotiable for me? -- Stop Smoking

DEAR STOP SMOKING: Now is the time to be direct and firm. Tell your father that if he continues to smoke around your children, he is no longer welcome to come over. Show him data regarding the negative impact of secondhand smoke on others, and tell him that as much as you love him, you are unwilling to subject your children to what you had to endure your whole life.

You are not overreacting; the negative impacts of secondhand smoke are significant. Think coronary heart disease, stroke, lung cancer and adverse reproductive health effects in women, as well as sudden infant death syndrome, respiratory infections, ear infections and asthma attacks in children. For more information, visit cdc.gov/tobacco/secondhand-smoke/health.html.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A close friend of mine will be celebrating a milestone birthday in about two months. We’ve been friends for nearly 15 years, and she has always made it her duty to be there for me -- especially for special occasions. We haven’t lived in the same city for eight years, so it means the world to me that she’s always supporting me. For her birthday this year she’s taking a trip to the Caribbean. I won’t be able to join due to financial constraints, but I still want to celebrate her. Do you have any unique and affordable suggestions for making a loved one feel special when you can’t be present with them? -- Long-Distance Birthday

DEAR LONG-DISTANCE BIRTHDAY: Make her a birthday video telling her highlights of your friendship and how much you appreciate her. If you know her other friends, invite them to submit birthday messages and create a compilation that you share with her. Coordinate with someone who is going on the trip to have it played for her during one of the celebratory moments.

If you know where’s she’s staying, you could call ahead and have the front desk deliver a bottle of champagne or bouquet of flowers that she can enjoy on the trip.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: I just got a reality check from my girlfriend. She left me. In our last argument, she told me that I don’t know how to love and that I push away everyone who tries to do right by me. I think I might’ve crossed a line this time. We’ve had fights before, but they usually end in us taking space or agreeing to disagree. This time I called her dumb. I was angry and the words just came out, but I think that was the last straw. She’s told me I was stubborn before, but I didn’t realize how mean I’ve been in arguments until she decided to leave me. I do love her, and I don’t think she’s dumb; I just thought something she did was dumb. I didn’t mean to be so offensive. How do I get her back? -- Reality Check

DEAR REALITY CHECK: You need to deal with your anger and communications skills. Before trying to convince your ex to come back to you, turn inside to work on yourself. Find a therapist who can help you dive deeply into your own behavior so that you can understand your motivations and come to terms with how you communicate with others.

Apologize to your ex. Let her know that you are sorry for the way you spoke to her and that you are seeing a therapist to help sort things out. Do not pressure her. You have to work on yourself now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I broke up with my boyfriend recently. Even though I know it was the right decision, I’m still sorting through a lot of feelings. The relationship wasn’t terrible, but it had run its course; deep down I knew we weren’t really happy together anymore. Now, just a few weeks later, one of my close friends is encouraging me to go out on a date with one of her boyfriend’s friends. She swears he’s a great guy and says he’s even asked about me before. I’ve seen pictures, and I’ll admit he’s cute and seems like he has a good vibe. Part of me is flattered and curious, but I’m also hesitant. I’m not sure whether I’m ready to jump into anything new yet, even if it’s just a casual date.

I keep wondering whether I should take this as a chance to move forward, meet someone new and have some fun. Another part of me is still processing my breakup and kind of craving space to be by myself for a while. I don’t want to lead anyone on, but I also don’t want to miss out on something potentially great just because I’m afraid or unsure. Is it OK to say no to something that seems good on paper if I’m not feeling fully ready? -- Alone Time

DEAR ALONE TIME: You don’t have to marry the next guy you meet even if you agree to go on a date with him -- or maybe just have your friend arrange for the two of you to run into each other at a casual gathering. Of course you should take time to evaluate your life and decide what you want next, but putting yourself in a position to have a nice time in someone else’s company could be refreshing. It doesn’t mean that you have to do anything more than going out that one time. I say go for it.

To answer your question, there is nothing wrong with saying no if you aren’t ready.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently graduated and entered the workforce, and while I feel grateful to have landed a full-time position in marketing, I’m starting to feel a bit lost. The job itself is fine. I have a supportive team and decent pay, and I get to use some of the skills I learned in school; still, something feels off. I don’t feel fulfilled. I keep wondering if I chose this field just because it felt safe or convenient at the time, not because it’s what I truly want to do.

Now that I’m a few months in, I’m thinking about pivoting, but into what? I’ve explored different industries and roles online, listened to podcasts, even tried informational interviews, but nothing is really clicking. It’s hard not to compare myself to peers who seem to know exactly what they want and are charging full speed ahead while I’m stuck questioning everything. I worry that if I jump ship too soon or too often, I’ll look flaky or unfocused. I also worry that if I stay too long in a role that doesn’t inspire me, I’ll end up stuck in a career I never truly wanted. How do I figure out what direction to go in when I don’t even know what interests me yet? Is this kind of uncertainty normal in the early stages of a career? -- Just Getting Started

DEAR JUST GETTING STARTED: Be patient. One mistake that many people make as they begin their careers is to jump ship too soon. Give yourself a chance to learn as much as you can on this job. Soak it all in. Meet as many people as you can as you explore other potential areas of interest. Stop comparing yourself to others and just learn. Many people have multiple pivots along their career journeys. You don’t have to stay in one role for life, but give yourself a chance to gain knowledge and skills -- and a good reference -- before leaving.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Lately, I’ve been feeling unsupported. Last year was extremely difficult for me, and it felt as though my friends weren’t there for me. I know we’re all adults and have our own schedules and life challenges, so I’m not sure if my expectations were too high. I don’t want to impose, but my friends always tell me that they’re here for me. Yet, when I suffered from a major loss and found the courage to tell them that I needed support, they seemed to be distant. Have my friends and I outgrown each other? Am I overreacting? Is there a way to address this with my friends without sounding entitled? -- Feeling Neglected

DEAR FEELING NEGLECTED: When you told your friends you needed their support, were you specific in outlining your needs? Was it a reasonable request? Sometimes, when people face a crisis, they cry out for help in such a general way that others don’t know how to help. Other times, people rely on friends for everything, which can feel overwhelming.

Evaluate what you actually need and want from friends and ask for that specifically. If they remain unresponsive, ask them why. You can tell them it hurts your feelings that they haven’t been helpful. Ask what you did that may have turned them off. Finally, ask yourself if you might have missed some opportunities to support your friends in the past. If so, it may be time to apologize, now that you know what that feels like from the other side.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)