A column I wrote about surprise inheritances a few months ago resulted in a number of reader letters. Let me share one with you in full, because it tells a person's real experience, spelling out a cautionary tale:
"In the 1980s, when I was in my 40s, and my father in his 80s, we were discussing his estate planning, but he had been vague, mentioning that he was speaking with a trust department at a bank but hadn't made up his mind. I asked him how much money he had. When I asked directly, he responded angrily, 'None of your business.'
"When he suddenly passed away a year later, the trust department told me they would take care of everything, and to return to my town. However, it turned out he had never signed the trust documents, and a judge ruled that the trust department's actions were dishonest. As a result, I received a substantial inheritance.
"I was raised poor by a man who was extremely frugal, so the vultures quickly began circling, offering advice on how I should handle the inheritance of stocks, bonds and real estate. They suggested I turn the money over to them, invest in their personal projects, or lock it up for years in REITs [real estate investment trusts]. I was also pressured to sell three generations' of family-held stock to cover estate costs and hold on to stocks of companies I didn't want to support: oil, alcohol and tobacco. The pressure was overwhelming, with strong suggestions that I act immediately.
"These were all men doing this. The attempt to steal the estate; the pressure to invest in their pet projects. They even said things along the lines that a woman could not possibly understand the complicated world of finance. They pointedly stated that I was going to lose all the money unless I acted quickly.
"I ignored all advice, as everyone advising me had something to gain. Instead, I found people who worked on small commissions to teach me how to invest wisely as I timidly used dividends from the stock to begin diversifying. (Yes, I sold everything but the family stock to pay his estate taxes, so I had work to do.) I read business books. I learned about companies. I learned about stocks and bond investing. I waited several years before taking any action.
"The lesson here? Watch out for the vultures. Are the people advising you truly acting in your best interest, or do they stand to gain something beyond your gratitude? Even respected figures in my life tried to pressure me into decisions that didn't feel right."
This story is one person's actual experience. Hopefully, it won't be yours. In addition to normal cautions that should always be present when losing a parent or a spouse, the reader's mention of gender makes me pause. You would think no one would comment that a "woman could not possibly understand the complicated world of finance," but it still happens today.
You would also think that no one would pressure someone to take action by suggesting that the person would "lose all the money unless [he or she] acted quickly."
Thankfully, the reader removed herself from the relationships that were not serving her well. She also began to focus on "learning" before "doing." That's a good road to follow.
As to gender, since females statistically live longer than males (tinyurl.com/v6sdkpjv), more and more women will be faced with new situations that will call for them to make difficult decisions, whether they are prepared or not.
So I ask you: If you are married, are you prepared to take over if your spouse predeceases or becomes incapacitated? If you are single and due to inherit someday, are you prepared? Next week, I'll share another reader's letter.
DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION