DEAR ABBY: My wife of seven years secretly visits her ex-husband on multiple occasions. She visits him with and without his spouse present. However, she forbids me from speaking to or visiting any woman from my past unless she is present.

My wife suffers from major depression. She's on medication but refuses to see a counselor. Her family has informed me that she was unfaithful to spouses prior to me. I am faithful to her. The person she visits is a friend she has known for years. Should I look the other way, or am I entitled to be upset about the situation? -- UPSET IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR UPSET: You are entitled to be upset. The woman to whom you are married appears to live by a double standard. If you want to spend your life under her thumb and looking the other way while she may or may not cheat on you, I can't stop you. But the person who should be talking to a counselor is not her. She's living her life exactly the way she wants. The person who should be receiving counseling is you, because if your marriage were a happy one, you wouldn't have found it necessary to write to me.

DEAR ABBY: A friend invited me to his birthday dinner at a popular restaurant. I got him a nice bottle of wine and a small book as a gift. There were 10 people at the table. One person had flown in from Chicago; another from L.A.

After we'd eaten and were conversing, the birthday boy excused himself. While he was gone, the waiter presented the bill, and it was then made clear that the rest of us were expected to pay for his birthday celebration. Split amongst us, it came to $99 each.

I put it on my credit card without comment; however, I was taken aback. I would never invite friends and then expect them to pay. I bounced this off a couple of other friends. Both said it was unacceptable behavior. What is your opinion? Am I unaware of this as a social norm? -- STUNNED IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR STUNNED: If this has become a social norm, I am as unaware as you are. When guests are invited to a celebration, it is the host's responsibility to treat them unless it is understood when the invitation is issued that everyone will be expected to pay for the meal. The next time this person invites you somewhere, make sure to ask whether you will be splitting the bill. That way there will be no surprises.

DEAR ABBY: I am one of those unfortunate people who has loud, violent sneezes. When I'm at home, it is no problem, but how do I keep them quiet when I'm out or at work? Stifling them hurts my back and stomach muscles. -- SNEEZY IN NEW YORK

DEAR SNEEZY: It may not be healthy to stifle a sneeze. Because you know you are prone to this, keep a handkerchief at the ready, which may muffle some of the sound.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old woman with a 21-year-old daughter, "Penny." I got pregnant at 16 and was very much alone, with little help from those around me. For a variety of reasons, I decided not to involve the father or his family. They knew I was pregnant but chose to remain uninvolved and haven't helped in any way. I worked hard to build a life for Penny and myself, and I have remained single all this time. Her father has since passed away, but he had several other children, and his parents still live in our same small town.

I thought my secret (and right to privacy) had been respected, but I recently found out that someone told Penny about her "other family" several years ago. On my daughter's 21st birthday, her paternal grandma called her and told her she had a birthday gift for her. This "birthday gift" was a paternity test. Come to find out, Grandma is in poor health, and her other granddaughter was her primary caregiver, but the young woman has now moved across the country. I suspect Grandma wants Penny to assume this role.

Penny is angry with me for not being honest about her history and angry that her grandmother, who has known about her for many years, is choosing to acknowledge a relationship only now. I am furious that they are putting my daughter in this situation. Am I wrong? How can I smooth this over? -- SECRET'S OUT IN COLORADO

DEAR SECRET'S OUT: Apologize to Penny for keeping the information about her father from her. Explain that you did it because the story is ugly and you hoped to spare her the pain you experienced as a teenager. Because you live in a small town, it was unrealistic to think that this kind of secret would not come to light one day. That Penny's grandmother would introduce herself in this way was selfish and cruel, and I hope your daughter will not allow herself to become ensnared.

DEAR ABBY: I am in multiple online groups (such as academia, work, etc.) that insist on using my full first name. They require my full first name for legal reasons and do not offer an area to input the name I actually use. I know many people have far worse problems, but it gets on my nerves that everyone I interact with calls me by a formal name I have never used.

Even when I sign my emails and texts with the correct name (which is simply cutting six letters off the end of the formal name), people still call me by my whole name. I have tried emailing, "You can just call me XXX," but it is often ignored. It really gets under my skin.

Is there a polite way to correct them, or must I try harder not to care? I have considered changing my name legally, but it is far more trouble than it's worth. -- MISNOMER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MISNOMER: Because being called by a name you don't like bothers you to the extent that you would write about it to me, my advice is to stop grinning and bearing it and make the time to have your name legally changed.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are raising our 7-month-old daughter together, and we generally get along well. I love him very much, but he has a habit that worries me. He's constantly on the lookout for a new job. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but every couple of months he says he's bored and wants to work somewhere else. These are decent-paying jobs, but they never pay much more than what he's earning now. They are also not always located in the same city or even the same state we live in.

I don't oppose moving away or moving up, but I don't want to move clear across the country when the benefit won't significantly add to what we have now and the relocation creates a burden with moving expenses.

Recently, my father made an offhand comment during a conversation about a business that offers good pay, benefits, etc. -- nearly the same benefits and pay my husband is receiving now. It would require that we move out of state, and I'd have to search for a new job.

My husband has been at his current job less than a year, and I have been at mine less than six months. We just signed a new lease on our apartment. He wants to break the lease and move. What can I do to convince him that this is not a strategic move for our family at this time? -- STRESSED-OUT WIFE AND MOM

DEAR STRESSED-OUT: I don't recommend breaking your lease and moving at this point because it will damage your credit. I don't know what your husband's problem is -- whether he has trouble getting along with his co-workers or attention deficit disorder -- but things won't improve until you determine the cause.

Neither of you has a solid job history. In a few short years, your daughter is going to be in preschool, and you do not want to constantly disrupt her education or socialization. Stay put until a move will be more financially beneficial.

DEAR ABBY: An elderly couple moved in next door. They once mentioned that they believed mothballs would keep ants away. That's not all. Every time they open their garage door, we get blasted with the stench. It is so pungent we must retreat inside our house, which is about 80 feet from their property. We can't open our windows, sit on our deck or do yard work outside until their garage door comes down. I don't know how they stand it. How can we let them know it's affecting our quality of life without causing a permanent rift? -- STUNK OUT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STUNK OUT: Contact your local health department to report what you are enduring and to share your concerns. Mothballs are not supposed to be used in the manner you have described. If you live in an area with a homeowner's association, it also may be able to help. However, if there isn't one, you may have to bite the bullet and ask these neighbors to close their garage door more quickly because the scent of mothballs is making you ill.