DEAR ABBY: Please help me move forward. My brother-in-law is dating a woman my husband was intimate with once before we were married. It makes family functions very awkward for me, but most of the family sees it as the past. It was the past, but it is now in our faces. My husband feels the same way.

Do we just keep the peace and stay away from functions as she seems to be more accepted than I am? We have been married 37 years. Are we being unreasonable?? -- CONFUSED IN THE EAST

DEAR CONFUSED: Oh, my. It seems like "who goes around comes around." It's a shame that you can't leave the past -- a one-night stand more than 37 years ago -- in the past and find the humor in this. I suspect it happens more often than you think. Please quit regarding this as a competition between you and your brother-in-law's girlfriend. Your husband chose you. End of contest. If there is cause for embarrassment, it should be hers, not yours.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Muriel," and I have been together for 10 years and married for seven. She has worked in animal rescue for much of her life. Muriel thinks she has to save them all. No amount of explaining the financial and other consequences gets through to her.

We currently have 21 pets living in our house. I have tried searching for support groups that might help, but to no avail. Even if I found such a group, my wife won't admit there is a problem. Can you help? -- STUMPED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR STUMPED: I'll try. I will also venture to say that 21 animals living in a house may not be healthy for all concerned. Because your wife is unable to listen to reason, contact animal control services in your city or county and explain what's going on. (I'm surprised one of your neighbors hasn't already tipped them off.) Your wife may have a heart of gold, but those creatures deserve a better standard of care than what your wife can give them.

DEAR ABBY: I delivered mail for 36 years. For 25 of those years, my route was in a retirement community. I'm retired now, and it upsets me when I am not contacted when someone I was friendly with for 25 years passes away. This is happening more and more.

Yes, I was their mail lady, but I was also their friend. I got to know and love all my customers. Their children knew who I was. The ones I was closest to are the ones whose deaths upset me the most because I wasn't notified. I know I'm not a relative, but still it hurts. If they read this, they will know who they are. I'm not angry. I'm just hurt. Do you understand? -- RETIRED MAIL LADY IN ARIZONA

DEAR MAIL LADY: Yes, I understand, and I also empathize with you. However, the "children" you describe may not have notified you about their parents' deaths because, unless they had your contact information, they didn't know how to reach you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 51-year-old mother and grandmother whose kids don't talk to me. The reason: My son, "Aaron," was sexually assaulted by his friend, "Eli," and I told him his friend was no longer allowed to come over. I spoke to Eli's mother. She told me she'd take care of it and agreed the two shouldn't hang out. They were both underage at the time. (Aaron was 10, and Eli was 13.)

A few months later, Aaron told me that it wasn't Eli but his own uncle "Joe" who sexually assaulted him. I knew better. I talked to Joe and, of course, he knew nothing. I told Aaron to stop lying about his uncle and that Eli still couldn't come over.

Aaron is an adult now, and he's got his siblings believing him about his uncle, and he's still friends with Eli. My husband and I moved next door to Joe, and now all the kids have blocked me from their and their kids' lives. When I tried to talk to Aaron about the situation, he blocked me completely. Joe knows nothing about what's going on. How do I get back into my children's and grandkids' lives? -- TURNED UPSIDE DOWN

DEAR TURNED: Could the boys have been experimenting with getting familiar with their bodies when all this occurred? Did you see something and confront your son and he admitted it? Aaron may have blamed Uncle Joe because he wanted to continue seeing Eli. Or ... was his accusation true? You will not be able to heal the schism in your family until everyone is in agreement about what really happened when Aaron was 10.

DEAR ABBY: My older brother, age 70, is making his estate plans with his partner. We have no other siblings or children. I told him I'm financially secure and don't need him to leave me anything, but he insisted on having my Social Security number, saying it's needed for beneficiary bequests. I called him back before disclosing the information, because I wanted to make sure it was really him.

He later called me and asked for my passport number because his partner has assets in China, and the paperwork required more information. That was too much information for me, and I asked him to take me out of his bequests entirely. He fussed about having to contact the lawyer and change the trust information but said he would take care of it. Now, he's no longer speaking to me.

Abby, my brother never disclosed that he would need anything beyond a Social Security number. Should I feel guilty about the added expense of editing his trust? -- TROUBLEMAKER SIS IN TEXAS

DEAR SIS: You should absolutely NOT feel guilty for refusing to reveal the information your brother was requesting! Are you SURE it was your brother calling and asking for this highly personal information and not a scammer? I ask because a beneficiary's Social Security number and/or passport number is not required when someone is being mentioned in a will, and I think you may have dodged a bullet.

DEAR ABBY: My grandson "Ethan" and his fiancee lived with his mother until four years ago. When they moved out, they decided not to give his parents their new address. It has been several years since my daughter has seen her son. Apparently, they occasionally text.

Ethan was married seven months ago. He didn't invite his parents as he felt they would "make it about themselves" and distract from his day. He said I'd be invited to his wedding and would receive a nice picture from the photographer. The wedding date came and went. I saw pictures on social media, so I knew it had transpired. At the time, my gut feeling was that he felt awkward inviting me and his aunt but not his parents.

In the past, I have sent Ethan a check on his birthday and at Christmas and helped him financially with vehicle repairs. Although I was not invited, I sent a congratulatory card for the wedding, with a significant check enclosed. He cashed the check but did not acknowledge receipt of the card.

Because neither he nor his wife acknowledged my wedding gift, I am debating what to do for his next birthday. Should I ignore the occasion, or be an example of unconditional love and send a card? I will not send him money, as I think it was beyond rude not to acknowledge my wedding check. What would Dear Abby do? -- ESTRANGED BY ASSOCIATION

DEAR ESTRANGED: Dear Abby would recognize that not being invited to the wedding, after being told I would be, was a breach of etiquette. That I lovingly sent a check as a wedding gift, which was cashed with no acknowledgment, would indicate (to me) that my grandson has chosen to distance himself from me. By all means, send a birthday card if you wish, but please don't be surprised when it, too, garners no response.

DEAR ABBY: My 25th class reunion is coming up, and I'm debating whether to go because I'm not sure how to handle a conversation that is sure to come up. I was very close to my classmates until five years ago, when my husband and I faced a series of family tragedies that took all of my time and energy. The worst was losing a daughter who would have been graduating this year.

I'm ready to reconnect with my old friends, but how do I deal with casual conversations without making light of the situation or being a wet blanket? If someone asks, "How is your daughter doing?" I need to have a reasonable response that isn't going to be awful for both of us. The thought of having to talk about it makes me want to stay home. Advice? -- UNDECIDED IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR UNDECIDED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your daughter. If someone at the reunion hasn't already heard about her death and asks how she's doing, respond with the truth, which is that she passed away several years ago. If someone asks for the details, simply say you don't want to discuss it further and change the subject.