DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 38 years. We have three adult children and four grandchildren. I have always wondered whether I have stayed in the marriage out of obligation and/or because I got a young woman pregnant. I have on many occasions asked myself if I should have ended it and continued on with my life after the first child was born. I have tolerated the lifestyle I created and would like some advice from someone who has heard about a lot of circumstances. -- UNSETTLED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNSETTLED: A divorce at this point will disrupt the family unit you created and have nurtured all these years. Would it be worth the pain and expense involved? Once you have your "freedom," what do you plan to do with it? Some discussions with a licensed counselor may help you gain perspective. Compiling a list of reasons why you should stay married and all of your reasons for wanting out would be helpful, too. Set it aside for a few days, review it and it may give you some insights. No one's life is perfect, but if you are truly unhappy, it should never be too late to make a change.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you can shed some light on my problem. I swear -- a lot. It's been this way off and on most of my life. I was raised in a household in which swearing was common. Through the years, I managed to curb myself around children, but I find as I age that it's getting worse. I conditioned myself to use other words in the past, but now that I'm in a new community, it has returned full blast. What, if anything, can be done to eliminate this from my speech? Hypnosis? I'm willing to learn anything that would help. -- CURSED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CURSED: It might help if you try to zero in on the underlying conditions that have made your old habit return. Could the move to the new community with all the adjustments involved be the cause? People sometimes swear when they are upset or in a situation that makes them nervous. If that's true in your case, learning to lower your stress level could help you manage your problem.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost four months. Recently, we have been talking about trying to tell my mom about it. The problem is, back when we were in grade school, he said something hurtful to me and she found out. Because of it, she started to hate him. My friends and I have all seen that he's changed and that he is trying. What should I do? -- MORE GROWN UP IN MISSOURI

DEAR MORE GROWN UP: What you should do is take it slowly. Do not suddenly announce to your mother that this boy is your boyfriend. Start by casually mentioning the difference you and your friends have noticed in him, that he seems to be trying to be a better person and how much he has changed for the better. Because people usually socialize in groups, it shouldn't surprise her that he has become part of the group. Save the announcement about a relationship for a month or two, and it may be less of a shock for her.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I married 20 years ago. We have a blended family of eight kids, but it's just us now. Our kids are scattered across the country. Over all these 20 years, we have never taken a vacation just for us. We have always visited family.

Now, after scrimping, saving and planning, our dream trip is finally happening. We are visiting Disneyland! Problem is, our youngest just relocated to L.A. I bought tickets, scheduled tours and reserved meals for just the two of us. But my husband has included our son in everything now -- all park visits, dinners, etc. Don't get me wrong -- I love my kids, but this was supposed to be "our" time.

I agreed to one dinner with our son, but other than that, we are on our own. My husband wants to include him in everything because he lives close by. Now my husband says he doesn't want to go at all. He insists that our son partake in everything we do, but I want this trip to be about us. We deserve this! How do I convince him that we need this trip? -- DISAPPOINTED IN OHIO

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: You shouldn't have to convince your husband to follow through on your dream vacation. He should have consulted you before inviting your son and telling him he will be included in everything. You wrote that you scrimped and saved for years to afford this vacation. How does he intend to pay for all those extra expenses for a third person? If your husband doesn't want an experience "just for the two of you," allow me to suggest it may be time to schedule something just for yourself. You have earned it.

DEAR ABBY: I was engaged to my husband for three years before we got married. A little more than a year ago, he was told that he had two years to live. Six months later, we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, and 10 days after that, he passed away.

I have met a man who is two years younger than I am who makes me laugh again. I feel like a schoolgirl when I'm around him. He wants to be a roommate, live with me and sleep upstairs. I sleep downstairs, but I don't know if I should let him or not. Advice? -- FEELING A BIT SCARED IN INDIANA

DEAR FEELING: Would this man be paying you rent and buying food, or would you be picking up the tab? If all he wants is to be your platonic roommate, but you are physically attracted to him, I recommend against proceeding with the arrangement. You would find it increasingly painful and frustrating, and when you finally had had enough pain and frustration, you might have to hire an attorney to help you get him out. What seems attractive now could be a huge pain in the posterior, and I guarantee it wouldn't leave you laughing. Keep things as they are until the relationship becomes more defined.

DEAR ABBY: My child "Logan" is the product of a sexual assault. He has located his father and formed a relationship with him. Logan didn't know the circumstances of his conception at the time he contacted his father. He has now been made fully aware by our family as to what occurred.

Abby, Logan has invited this person to his wedding. I do not want to attend if his father will be present. Logan has told me that this man WILL be attending and that the problem is MY issue. I love my son, but this is beyond traumatic for me. I want to be there for the special day, but I cannot bring myself to be in the same room with the person who assaulted me.

This situation has broken my heart. I feel as though my feelings don't matter to Logan and that he expects me to just push through this, go to the wedding and deal with it. What are your thoughts? -- WORST-CASE SCENARIO

DEAR WORST-CASE: Your son's insensitivity to your feelings is appalling. That he would demand you ignore the fact that you were a rape victim and spend even a minute in the perpetrator's presence is outrageous. Whatever decision you make to move forward is the right one for you. I am so sorry for your pain, which is palpable.

DEAR ABBY: I work with a lady who has drama swirling around her constantly. There's always something wrong with work, her house, her family, herself, her pets, etc. Each problem is worse than the next. At first, I was sympathetic and let her vent. Then I realized this is a daily occurrence, and all this negativity is draining not only my patience but also my mental health.

I have tried quickly moving past her work area, but she then follows me to mine. When I tried getting to work before she did, she started coming in earlier. When I tell her I need to complete an assignment, she continues to talk! I'd like to put some distance between us. But she's a nice person, and I hate to say, "I really can't listen to you complain every day." Any suggestions? -- RUNNING OUT OF PATIENCE

DEAR RUNNING: Yes, quit being such a "nice person" yourself and stop letting this co-worker use you as a trouble dump. The next time she approaches you, tell her that what she's doing is interfering with your work and sapping your energy, and you can no longer allow it. Say plainly that you need her to stop. If she doesn't, discuss the problem with your supervisor or HR.

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear late mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others.

Amen.

Have a happy and safe celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY