DEAR ABBY: I've been married to my husband for two months. I haven't told anyone I'm married except my close friends and family. Someone recently messaged me about my husband, stating that he has Asperger's. They know my name and have my phone number. I don't know who this person is or why they would tell me this now.

I already suspected my husband has Asperger's, so I'm not shocked, but this is eating me up inside. I can't sleep. I can't think. I recently lost my mom to cancer. Now I'm facing this. I previously dated a narcissist who used to lie regularly. But after all that heartbreak and torment, I'm now with someone who lies to me again? I'm so confused and upset. I really do want to ask my husband to get assessed. I don't think I can trust him anymore. Do you have advice for me? -- LOSING AGAIN IN CANADA

DEAR LOSING: Let me point out that individuals who write anonymous letters usually are not trying to be helpful and instead may be trying to cause trouble in your marriage. Before asking your husband to be assessed for Asperger's, go online and read as much information about it as you can. You might also consider contacting the Association for Autism and Neurodiversity (aane.org), which has been mentioned in my column before.

If what you learn from reliable resources indicates that it could be your husband's problem, then by all means suggest he be assessed. He may not necessarily be "lying" to you as much as being in denial. This does not have to destroy a marriage. Many successful people are on the spectrum.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend and co-worker is 57. I'm 32. Her husband died two years ago, leaving her and her 22-year-old son alone. We've been best friends and co-workers for the last six years, but over the last few months, I've been realizing she's a lot more to me than just a friend.

I am nervous about trying to make advances because I don't know if the feelings are mutual or how she views our age difference. I don't want to risk ruining our friendship. I just know that my heart skips a few beats when our eyes meet or our fingers accidently touch. I've realized these last few months that I'm falling hard for her, and I'm afraid to let her know. If I don't, however, my feelings are going to eat me alive. What should I do? -- FALLING FOR HER IN KANSAS

DEAR FALLING: Ask your best friend (and co-worker) to join you for a casual lunch or dinner. Keep it light but tell her how much you enjoy her company and ask if the age difference between you bothers her. If the answer is no, explain that you care very much for her and wonder if she'd be open to the idea of dating you.

If she says yes, and there are rules at your job that discourage "fraternizing," you may have to find another place to work. If she responds that dating would be awkward, let her know you will always be her friend because you think she is special.

DEAR ABBY: I had a child with "Richard," whom I met 10 years ago. I was married at the time but had been separated from my husband, "Eddy," for nine months. Richard and I hit it off well; I was very attracted to him. Five months after we met, I accidentally became pregnant. When Richard found out, he bolted. We stayed in contact, and he met our son, "Brady," twice.

Eddy and I reunited when Brady was 3, and since Richard was out of the picture, we requested to sever his rights so Eddy could adopt him. Richard didn't show up, so legally we were able to proceed.

When we found out Richard had never told his family about Brady, I reached out to them. They want nothing to do with us! They don't believe my son is a part of their family because rights were severed and they never knew about him, even though I have pictures of Brady and Richard together and Brady knows who he is.

Eddy and I have now been divorced for four years. I feel terrible for the way my son is being treated. Should I leave them all alone and close that chapter? -- TANGLED WEB IN ARIZONA

DEAR TANGLED WEB: Continuing to pursue Richard's family will get you nowhere. That chapter closed when Richard gave up his parental rights to Brady and Eddy adopted the little boy. Until your son is no longer a minor, Eddy may have a financial responsibility for him. I hope he is acting more responsibly than Brady's biological father did and that their relationship will continue in spite of the divorce.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for almost 40 years. I'm recently retired, in great shape and very active. I hike, bike, walk, play golf and do strength training. My wife will retire soon. She's 100% sedentary and does none of these activities with me. She has mobility issues that could be corrected with surgery, but she refuses to have the surgery, which means her mobility issues will worsen. She'll need a caregiver to help her in the not-too-distant future -- which will be me.

This may sound selfish, but I didn't sign up for this. I feel the enjoyment of my retirement will never happen because she refuses to help herself. Is it wrong for me to think about divorcing her because she takes no responsibility for herself and expects me to take care of her, which will prevent me from enjoying my golden years? -- END OF MY ROPE IN NEW YORK

DEAR END: You stated that you "didn't sign up for this." Well, nobody does. When you and your wife took your wedding vows, "... in sickness and in health ..." this IS what you signed up for. That your wife is so frightened of surgery to correct her issues that she's refusing to have it is sad for both of you. Perhaps if you tell her what you have written to me, it might motivate her to assume more responsibility for her health. A way to start would be to consult her doctor about a prudent path forward.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is asking me to apologize to her boyfriend, "Harry," for yelling at him when I was helping them move six years ago. (I had traveled 250 miles to help.) The day of the move, Harry didn't take the day off work, so he wasn't there to help. (They had a second-floor unit with no elevator.) When he finally did show up, he proceeded to slow-walk taking out the recycling stuff.

At the new place, Harry helped somewhat, but when the food was delivered, rather than continue to help, he decided to sit down and eat while the other two helpers and I continued moving stuff in. (This was 10 hours into the move.) That's when I lost it. I yelled at him for not helping more. All he had done in his relationship with my daughter was go to work, come home and play video games. He didn't help around the house or show any interest in helping with their son.

Over the last few years, Harry has changed somewhat in helping with his son, but my daughter now feels stuck in the middle and wants me to apologize to him for yelling. I have made no disparaging remarks about him since. I even liked some of his posts on Facebook.

I have gotten over it, but it seems Harry hasn't. I told my daughter he needs professional help. The last time I visited, he stayed in a hotel for the weekend. My son says it should be an apology going both ways and should come from Harry first. What do you think? -- FAMILY DILEMMA IN CANADA

DEAR FAMILY DILEMMA: Face it. Your daughter's boyfriend is an overgrown child. Count your blessings that she isn't married to him. Someone has to be an adult, and I am voting for you to fill that role by taking the first step. Hold your nose and apologize to Harry, if only for your daughter's sake.

DEAR ABBY: Should parents be allowed to send birthday invitations to school if only select students are the recipients of the invitation? I'm the parent of a (very) special needs pre-k child. Daily, I feel the heartache of her challenges and her desire for connection with others. On the parent FB group, someone recently posted about their daughter's birthday. It said those who received an invite should text the cellphone number listed for a change of plans. We never received an invite.

Were we the only ones excluded? If I'm honest, my emotions may be particularly fragile when it comes to my daughter and inclusion. I do think people should be able to invite only their friends. However, it seems to me that discretion on the part of the parent who is hosting would be more polite and kind. Parents should make a point to know their child's friends' parents' contact information. Do you have an opinion? -- UNINVITED IN THE EAST

DEAR UNINVITED: I'm with you 100%, speaking for myself as an adult who was once a child who was excluded. For many reasons, parents should make a point of having their child's friends' parents' contact information. That information could be crucial in case of an emergency.