DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old niece didn't finish high school and has been in and out of rehab for years. She's about to leave a residential program and is looking for a place to live. Her parents have implemented "house rules" she doesn't like, notably staying drug-free and away from her boyfriend.

I have three kids at home, and I'm not able to take her in. My elderly father just offered to let her live with him. This is going to be a disaster. Financially and physically, he is barely able to keep an apartment on his own. We perform a lot of his daily tasks and have been looking for home health options for when he's ready to accept more help.

Dad is in no position to take in a troubled teenager. However, he thinks he is, and since he's still independent, it's his choice. If she could help take care of him, that would be great, but there's no way it is going to happen. I'm not even sure it would be safe for him to have her and her friends in his place.

My father won't listen to reason. My niece's social worker won't talk to me, citing privacy issues. Her parents have warned Dad with the same result I've had. I want to protect my father. How do I get in front of this craziness before it gets ugly? -- DREADING IT IN MISSOURI

DEAR DREADING IT: I don't think there is any way for you to prevent your father from taking the girl in. Stay in close touch so you can monitor what's happening. Let this play out and step in if you see the situation becoming dangerous to his health and welfare, which, at that point, may require involving the authorities.

DEAR ABBY: I have a nephew and niece who are in their 20s. As teens and adults, they chose not to acknowledge gifts. I stopped sending them anything as a result.

I have recently learned my nephew is engaged. He will be eloping and then having a family reception in a few months. Nobody in my family has met his fiancee. I do not live in the same town they do. Would it be wrong to not attend the reception? I have never said anything to their father (my brother) about his kids' lack of acknowledgement. I know my mother will give me grief, because she did a few months ago when I didn't attend my niece's graduation party. -- STAYING AWAY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR STAYING AWAY: I understand you are miffed because you weren't thanked for gifts you gave your niece and nephew when they were younger. However, I am sorry you didn't attend your niece's graduation and even sorrier that you are planning not to attend your nephew's wedding reception.

Are you estranged from your brother? Aren't you the least bit curious about the young woman who will be joining your extended family? By pouting and not having a conversation with your brother about your feelings, you are effectively estranging yourself from that branch of the family, which I feel is a mistake.

DEAR ABBY: I recently bought a first-floor condo because I am an older woman with a knee disability. Otherwise, I would have purchased a unit on the second floor of this two-story condo complex. I am only here part time because my husband is not ready for retirement.

The owner above me has two children who jump off the kitchen counter onto the floor multiple times a night as late as 10 p.m. It causes everything in my kitchen cabinets to rattle. I have spoken with the property manager. He's willing to send them violation notices which would eventually include fines. I haven't taken him up on it because, since I am a part-time resident, I'm concerned about retaliation such as broken windows or vandalism to my car in the parking lot. Of course, that neighbor would be the prime suspect, but I would have no proof.

I can't afford a more expensive community. My husband and I did knock on her door in a congenial manner one day to introduce ourselves as new neighbors. She did not give us the time of day. What would you do if you were me? -- FEELS THE NOISE DOWN SOUTH

DEAR FEELS THE NOISE: I would knock on the woman's door, explain the problem and politely ask her to instruct her children not to jump off the kitchen counter after 6 p.m. because the crashing noise prevents me from enjoying my apartment. If she didn't cooperate, I'd have another talk with the manager. If the warnings and fines didn't work, I'd contact Child Protective Services, because what those kids are doing is dangerous and their parent is unwilling to supervise them.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married to my husband for 35 years. My mother-in-law just drafted her will and is passing her entire estate to him, with it being split equally among our three adult kids if he were to pass away before her. She was asked to name a beneficiary if all four of them predecease her. (I know it would be extremely unlikely.) My MIL has no other living relatives -- no parents, siblings, husband, cousins, etc.

She named a friend and neighbor rather than me as the beneficiary of her estate in this event. This neighbor lives next door to her and drives her to the grocery store, bank and doctor appointments, since my MIL does not drive and we live 3 1/2 hours away.

I thought she and I have always had a good relationship. My husband and I send flowers and cards on her birthday and Mother's Day. I select thoughtful gifts for her at Christmas. I have always treated her with kindness, respect and gentleness. I am helpful when she has health issues. I assist her in the kitchen with dishes, etc. I have always treated her son well. Am I petty, unreasonable or immature for having negative feelings about not being mentioned in her will? -- HURT IN COLORADO

DEAR HURT: Not at all. You're human. It does appear to be a glaring omission, and under these circumstances, your reaction is understandable. What does your husband feel about what his mother did? Perhaps he should speak to her and ask if she forgot she has a daughter-in-law when she made her will.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 4 1/2 years had an old girlfriend he was on and off with for 15 years. She passed away while he was in prison. We got married three months after he was released. The thing is, when he sleeps, almost every night, he says her name and how much he loves her. He says because he's doing it in his sleep, he doesn't know he's doing it. It seems to upset him that I'm upset. He doesn't want to hurt me. What can I do to deal with it or get him to stop doing it? -- DREADS THE BED IN COLORADO

DEAR DREADS: Your husband was on and off with his late girlfriend much longer than he has been married to you. Old habits die hard. If he wakes you when this happens, don't hesitate to gently wake him. If he asks why you did it, explain that he was talking in his sleep. (Do not be specific about what.) Then try to remember that she is history, and you are right next to him.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior widow who has been dating an older man for a year now. He's caring and thoughtful and has many good qualities, but one thing he does is creating difficulty for me. He constantly stares at other women. I've talked with him about a "five-second rule," but he doesn't hear me. He told me he was raised by his mother and grandmother and that's why he's attracted to women in general. He says it doesn't mean anything.

I have never been with a man who constantly looks at other women. He also prefers to have women friends rather than men friends. I don't want to be jealous, but sometimes it's hard keeping those feelings down. I'm trying to decide whether I should end this relationship or stay in it and try to overcome my feelings of jealousy. -- RED FLAG IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR RED FLAG: If this person makes you feel less good about yourself, recognize it is a red flag. His behavior is insensitive and rude. Because you have asked him to stop staring at women when he is with you and he makes excuses to continue, my advice is to find a companion who is more considerate of your feelings.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 31 years and I have been fighting over politics and cultural changes in our country. The arguments have cooled down by mutual agreement, but so has our sexual desire for each other. Our marriage consultant has always taken my wife's position; I am left on my own. I have no support from the rest of my family (three lovely daughters), but I still love and respect my wife. She told me that I must switch my politics to hers or she will leave me. What do I do? -- THREATENED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR THREATENED: Tell your wife and her marriage consultant that as your political arguments have dwindled, so has your sex life. It may be time to seek professional counseling with someone else on your own. Your wife's ultimatum is unrealistic. Unless the two of you can agree to disagree, take her up on her offer.