DEAR ABBY: I have a 54-year-old profoundly disabled, non-verbal child who is in a group home. I have been advocating for her since birth, when we learned she had suffered severe brain damage. The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck for so long that the damage was irreparable. My first husband couldn't handle it and left us.

Luckily, a number of years later, I met and married a wonderful man. He treated my daughter as if she were his own. Every weekend, we would take her out for breakfast. Many times, we'd have to leave the restaurant because of her behavior. He was my rock and my support and helped with her until his death.

I still visit her, but I find it increasingly difficult, knowing that one day I won't be there for her. Physically, I'm no longer able to take her out by myself. I also can't ask friends to help for fear they could get hurt. I feel guilty, but also want to have some peace in my life before I leave this Earth. After visits with my daughter, I am sad for days. How can I get over this guilt I feel and find peace? -- EMOTIONAL MAMA IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR MAMA: You have no reason to feel guilty. Your daughter's disability is not your fault. Neither is the fact that you are no longer physically able to lift and transport her. You are doing the best you can by letting her know you love her. Babies need touch and the reassurance that they are loved. You are already doing that and have for many years. If you haven't already done so, ensure your daughter will get proper care if anything happens to you. Accomplish this by putting your wishes in writing with the help of your attorney.

DEAR ABBY: My long-ago ex-husband "Hal" is friendly with me and my husband. He lives two doors down from us. He can drive, but whenever we visit family, he always asks to hitch a ride. We don't mind if it's dark out, because he has trouble with night vision, but we don't want to be his chauffeur and be regarded as a "throuple" anymore. Worse, he always undercuts me when I'm talking -- "that's not true," "it wasn't that day," "it didn't happen that way," etc. I think Hal gets jealous when I receive any attention.

We've been kind to him because his son (and mine) died a year ago. The last straw was when I was talking about a time my son asked my opinion. Hal cut in to say, "I don't think our son would follow your advice." How do we remain friends with Hal but stop this without blowing our stacks? -- CLOSE TO LOSING IT

DEAR CLOSE: The next time Hal asks to hitch a ride with you to visit family, tell him that while you overlooked his undercutting in the past, when he said he didn't think your son would follow your advice, he went too far. Then tell him that in the future he will be arranging his own transportation because he won't be riding with you.

DEAR ABBY: My oldest son, "Adam," turned 50 last month. He and his wife, "Lindy," live four hours away. They invited me and my husband to a birthday party she was having for him. Adam's daughter from a previous marriage couldn't make it for whatever reason.

Lindy tends to drink too much. At one point, she went around screaming about how Adam's "stupid daughter" didn't bother to make it to his birthday party. To say the least, I was furious. I didn't speak up because my son's friends had traveled to be there and I didn't want to ruin the celebration, and she was obviously very intoxicated.

My granddaughter doesn't have a good relationship with them. Adam adopted the youngest of Lindy's three daughters because the two older ones were married. I no longer want to have anything to do with Lindy. Adam and his father don't know about what happened that night. We haven't had a good relationship since Adam left his first family for Lindy. Any advice? -- HOLDING MY TONGUE IN TEXAS

DEAR HOLDING: Adam knows his wife is a drinker who sometimes becomes out of control. You didn't mention whether he has maintained contact with his ex-wife or his daughter. That she avoided his birthday party may not have been unexpected. My advice is to keep your lip zipped and resist the urge to further rock the boat.

DEAR ABBY: A friend I've known since our school days works in the same organization I do. We're in different departments, but we had similar jobs when I started six years ago. During that time, I've had two big promotions, and she has stayed where she is. Her work is well received, and she always gets positive reviews, so she's frustrated she hasn't been promoted.

She asked me to help her figure out what is going on. (When asked, her supervisor didn't give a straight answer, which is typical here.) I think the problem may be how she presents herself. It's an old-school setting, and she has a modern attitude toward work-life balance. She dresses within the letter of the dress code but more casual than those around her. She takes personal calls within earshot of others and will pop in and out of the office to run errands or pick up her kids from somewhere, and then work from home to make up the time. While technically it is allowed, others don't do this.

Only 10% of our job is client-facing, but looking and acting the part is noticed. It would be great if the rules outlined what the managers actually want, but I think reading the room is necessary too. Maintaining our friendship is more important to me than helping her at the office. How much of this, if any, do I share with her? -- FAITHFUL FRIEND IN OHIO

DEAR FRIEND: You should share all of your thoughts with your friend, because they are pertinent and honest. After that, she should speak privately with her boss and ask why she hasn't been able to advance in the company.

DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married soon and I am very excited. It is a true blessing. I love my fiancee very much, and I'm happy to spend the rest of my life with her. I have one concern, though, and it is about her daughters. They are great girls. Both are teenagers. I have told them I will be whatever they want me to be, trying not to force any kind of relationship on them that they are not ready to have. My problem is, I am their teacher at the high school.

I have excellent relationships with both girls, but in an effort to make things as comfortable for them at school as I can, I have distanced myself from the other students. I have become grumpier, and I'm quickly becoming the teacher with a lot of homework that all the students dislike. I was always the "nice" teacher, so this is a big change for me. However, I have done it because the girls are grateful for it. The "meaner" I am at school, the better my relationship with the girls is at home.

The other girls in their classes gossip a lot, and they have said some disturbing things about me to the girls because I am marrying their mom. Am I doing the right thing? I'm beginning to be unhappy at work, but it is making my home life very nice with my brand-new family. -- PROFESSOR MEAN IN THE WEST

DEAR PROF. MEAN: The right thing? Have you discussed this cockamamie plan with your principal? What is positive about going from being liked by your students to distancing yourself in order to turn your fiancee's daughters into teacher's pets? If this continues, they will be social pariahs. You should not have to choose between being popular at school or liked by your soon-to-be stepdaughters. In just a few years, they'll be out of the house, and you will be the most disliked teacher at the school if you are still employed there.

DEAR ABBY: I asked a woman I know out for coffee. She politely declined. I replied that I hoped my asking didn't make things awkward between us and that we could continue being friends. She agreed, and our friendship continues. I'm in my early 50s. I'm guessing she's in her late 60s or early 70s. I have always found more mature women to be attractive. We talk or text each other and, when the weather is nice, we talk outside. We actually had that coffee recently, which was platonic, unless I missed a sign she was putting out there.

Abby, do you think societal pressures hold people back from pursuing relationships? Should I try to stick closer to my age range? -- READY AND WILLING IN NEW YORK

DEAR READY: There are any number of reasons why people hold back from pursuing relationships. Chief among them is lack of chemistry rather than age difference. From what you have written, you have been put in the "friend" category. If you are looking for romance, you will have to look elsewhere. By sticking to your age range, you will eliminate that one factor but not the others.