DEAR ABBY: My oldest son, "Adam," turned 50 last month. He and his wife, "Lindy," live four hours away. They invited me and my husband to a birthday party she was having for him. Adam's daughter from a previous marriage couldn't make it for whatever reason.

Lindy tends to drink too much. At one point, she went around screaming about how Adam's "stupid daughter" didn't bother to make it to his birthday party. To say the least, I was furious. I didn't speak up because my son's friends had traveled to be there and I didn't want to ruin the celebration, and she was obviously very intoxicated.

My granddaughter doesn't have a good relationship with them. Adam adopted the youngest of Lindy's three daughters because the two older ones were married. I no longer want to have anything to do with Lindy. Adam and his father don't know about what happened that night. We haven't had a good relationship since Adam left his first family for Lindy. Any advice? -- HOLDING MY TONGUE IN TEXAS

DEAR HOLDING: Adam knows his wife is a drinker who sometimes becomes out of control. You didn't mention whether he has maintained contact with his ex-wife or his daughter. That she avoided his birthday party may not have been unexpected. My advice is to keep your lip zipped and resist the urge to further rock the boat.

DEAR ABBY: A friend I've known since our school days works in the same organization I do. We're in different departments, but we had similar jobs when I started six years ago. During that time, I've had two big promotions, and she has stayed where she is. Her work is well received, and she always gets positive reviews, so she's frustrated she hasn't been promoted.

She asked me to help her figure out what is going on. (When asked, her supervisor didn't give a straight answer, which is typical here.) I think the problem may be how she presents herself. It's an old-school setting, and she has a modern attitude toward work-life balance. She dresses within the letter of the dress code but more casual than those around her. She takes personal calls within earshot of others and will pop in and out of the office to run errands or pick up her kids from somewhere, and then work from home to make up the time. While technically it is allowed, others don't do this.

Only 10% of our job is client-facing, but looking and acting the part is noticed. It would be great if the rules outlined what the managers actually want, but I think reading the room is necessary too. Maintaining our friendship is more important to me than helping her at the office. How much of this, if any, do I share with her? -- FAITHFUL FRIEND IN OHIO

DEAR FRIEND: You should share all of your thoughts with your friend, because they are pertinent and honest. After that, she should speak privately with her boss and ask why she hasn't been able to advance in the company.

DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married soon and I am very excited. It is a true blessing. I love my fiancee very much, and I'm happy to spend the rest of my life with her. I have one concern, though, and it is about her daughters. They are great girls. Both are teenagers. I have told them I will be whatever they want me to be, trying not to force any kind of relationship on them that they are not ready to have. My problem is, I am their teacher at the high school.

I have excellent relationships with both girls, but in an effort to make things as comfortable for them at school as I can, I have distanced myself from the other students. I have become grumpier, and I'm quickly becoming the teacher with a lot of homework that all the students dislike. I was always the "nice" teacher, so this is a big change for me. However, I have done it because the girls are grateful for it. The "meaner" I am at school, the better my relationship with the girls is at home.

The other girls in their classes gossip a lot, and they have said some disturbing things about me to the girls because I am marrying their mom. Am I doing the right thing? I'm beginning to be unhappy at work, but it is making my home life very nice with my brand-new family. -- PROFESSOR MEAN IN THE WEST

DEAR PROF. MEAN: The right thing? Have you discussed this cockamamie plan with your principal? What is positive about going from being liked by your students to distancing yourself in order to turn your fiancee's daughters into teacher's pets? If this continues, they will be social pariahs. You should not have to choose between being popular at school or liked by your soon-to-be stepdaughters. In just a few years, they'll be out of the house, and you will be the most disliked teacher at the school if you are still employed there.

DEAR ABBY: I asked a woman I know out for coffee. She politely declined. I replied that I hoped my asking didn't make things awkward between us and that we could continue being friends. She agreed, and our friendship continues. I'm in my early 50s. I'm guessing she's in her late 60s or early 70s. I have always found more mature women to be attractive. We talk or text each other and, when the weather is nice, we talk outside. We actually had that coffee recently, which was platonic, unless I missed a sign she was putting out there.

Abby, do you think societal pressures hold people back from pursuing relationships? Should I try to stick closer to my age range? -- READY AND WILLING IN NEW YORK

DEAR READY: There are any number of reasons why people hold back from pursuing relationships. Chief among them is lack of chemistry rather than age difference. From what you have written, you have been put in the "friend" category. If you are looking for romance, you will have to look elsewhere. By sticking to your age range, you will eliminate that one factor but not the others.

DEAR ABBY: My ex, "Hank," and I have two sons together. Both are smart, kind, college-educated, hardworking and independent young adults.

Hank is estranged from our younger son, "Andrew." Andrew could never live up to his father's expectations. This is one of the reasons I fell out of love with my husband. He would initiate a verbal confrontation with Andrew and say things like, "You are not my son." Later, he'd clarify that he meant Andrew doesn't act like his older brother does. Another example: "You didn't call me last week, so I'm not going to help you out today."

It has been painful to watch as a mom, and for a child to experience. The one blessing is that both boys love each other. I believe children should know they are loved by their parents. They should NOT have to continually prove they are worthy of their parent's love. It crushes me that Andrew doesn't have a father he can count on to be there for him unconditionally.

Andrew had emergency surgery this week, and Hank never bothered to check in to ask how he was doing. We have tried therapy. Is there anything else that would help with the estrangement between a father and a son? -- MOM WHO MUST ALSO BE DAD

DEAR MOM: What a sad letter, and what a poor excuse for a husband and father. Your ex-husband engineered the estrangement, and nothing you or Andrew can do will fix it. You didn't mention how Andrew's lack of a healthy relationship with his father has affected him. Was the therapy that was tried family therapy? Marriage counseling for you and your ex? Individual therapy for your son? It's possible that a licensed mental health professional might help Andrew come to terms with the years of emotional neglect he has suffered, but only if he agrees he needs it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 36-year-old woman from Pakistan. I read your advice with great interest. Since childhood, it was always hard for me to make friends. People who I liked I pushed hard to be friends with, but I guess I came across as too clingy. I'm the one who initiates most contact with my old school friends.

Now I see the same thing happening with my 7-year-old son. When his cousins or my cousins' kids come and he plays with them, he wants to maintain friendships with them through video calls, voice messages, etc. I can see that the other kids and their parents aren't as interested in maintaining friendships, including my brother and his daughter.

My son is sensitive like I was. How do I explain to him that he shouldn't expect everyone to be his friend without giving him the impression that "nobody cares"? -- SAD MOM IN PAKISTAN

DEAR SAD MOM: Friendships have to evolve naturally. Often this happens through shared interests. What is your son interested in? Is he involved in sports or other activities outside of school? While it is true that no one can "expect" others to be close friends, relationships form as a result of exposure to a variety of activities and individuals. Your fear that your son will turn out to have the same social difficulties that you do may be groundless. He may need exposure to more kids than he has had in order to find his way socially.