DEAR ABBY: My best friend "Pat" and I live on opposite sides of the country. I am very concerned about Pat's daughter and granddaughter, "Mandy." Pat's son-in-law is verbally abusive. He calls Pat's daughter names and tells Mandy that Mommy is bad. Mandy is only 3 and already knows she has to be nice to Daddy so he doesn't yell at Mommy.

Pat's daughter refuses to leave her marriage until Mandy is older so as not to confuse her. I know this is terrible for the child and will cause her to have bad memories all her life. I'm also afraid that Pat's son-in-law will end up physically harming Mandy. Should I be trying to convince my friend to encourage her daughter to leave ASAP? Or do I need to step back and mind my own business?

My friend Pat is determined to stay out of this, and I'm very worried about everyone. -- WORRIED IN THE EAST

DEAR WORRIED: Pat's son-in-law is practicing parental alienation, and they aren't even divorced yet. Postponing the inevitable is doing Mandy no favors. She's at an impressionable age, and the attitudes the little girl is forming may remain with her for the rest of her life unless she receives help. I don't blame you for being worried.

Talk to Pat and suggest to her that she should remain silent no longer. Verbal abuse can easily escalate to physical abuse, and the time to draw the line is now. In case you need to pass this information along, the phone number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-799-7233. Someone there can tell Pat or her daughter how to form a safe escape plan.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I used to live in the same city as his parents and sisters. We became very close, getting together several times a week. One of his sisters was my best friend. Because of work, we had to move about four hours away. Since then, we have felt increasingly isolated. I tried to call weekly, visit often and send gifts for every holiday.

About a year in, I realized we were initiating all the contact and tried a little experiment. We stopped calling them. It took more than eight weeks for anyone to contact us. His mother calls his other siblings who live elsewhere every week, but not us. We visit them a few times a year, but they have never visited us despite invitations to do so. My husband is busy with work and, while it hurts him, he is able to forget about it. Although I live closer to my own family now, I mourn the loss of my friends and his family and feel frustrated that they don't care about us, seemingly caring about other family members more. Any advice? -- CAST OFF AND LONELY

DEAR LONELY: It appears you have too much free time on your hands. You can't change these people's behavior. Instead of brooding, stop dwelling on your in-laws' shortcomings and devote your energy to making friends in your new community. If you stop looking backward and find projects that interest you, you will meet like-minded people.

DEAR ABBY: Every year like clockwork, we receive a holiday card from friends, which the wife addresses only to my husband. It is always a jolly card filled with their family adventures and achievements for the year, and it invariably leaves me wondering why she thinks it's OK to leave me off the envelope. My husband and I have been together for more than 20 years. She knows I exist. We have met. I went to her wedding. Our husbands are dear friends.

Last year, my husband finally mentioned to his friend how much it hurts my feelings to be left off the card. He seemed surprised his wife did that, but said he'd fix it before the next cards went out. I was excited at the thought of her changing her rude ways when their next card arrived. But, like every year before, I was left out again.

This really bothers me. I have felt left out enough times in my life, and it stings at the core. I feel like she is a grown-up mean girl, and I can't figure out why she would intentionally not include me. Part of me wants to send a card to everyone in her family and leave her name off. What do you think? -- LEFT OFF IN WYOMING

DEAR LEFT OFF: I think that, because expecting your husband to intercede for you didn't work, it's time to pick up the phone. Tell this clueless woman your first (and last) name and ask her why she seems unable to address her greeting cards so they include you as well as your spouse. If, after that, she continues to "forget," you will know beyond a doubt that she's not only clueless but classless, and avoid whatever exposure you must have with her as often as possible.

DEAR ABBY: I have a longtime friend, "Laurie," who is single. Most of the relationships she gets into are with men who are in relationships already. She often suggests that my husband and I and she get together to hang out, but I discourage it because I don't trust her completely. (I do trust my husband.)

Laurie and I have been there for each other during difficult times, but I struggle a lot with the fact that she has relationships with married men or men who are in other committed relationships. I have been tempted to tell the partners of these men, but I stay in my lane and mind my own business. It eats away at me sometimes, and I feel like I need to end the friendship. Then I feel like friends should be there through thick and thin. Can you give me some guidance? -- UNEASY IN THE EAST

DEAR UNEASY: Your friend Laurie has boundary problems when it comes to men, which she has shown you repeatedly. Because you are not comfortable with the idea of you, your husband and Laurie socializing together, listen to your intuition and refrain from arranging it. Because you disapprove of her lifestyle to the extent that you are thinking of ending the relationship you have with her, tell her how you feel. She needs to hear it.

DEAR ABBY: When my lifelong friend "Cheryl" and I would talk once a week to catch up with each other's lives, she'd describe her other friends' woes in a really animated way, including a loud voice and extremely vulgar words about those friends. She even talked about her recently departed mother this way. Her mother had not been part of her life for more than 50 years, but when she reentered the scene, she had developed dementia. Her mom's habit of vulgar talk was probably where Cheryl picked it up.

The funny thing is, when we talk in person, Cheryl doesn't do it. It's only on the phone. I recently had a falling-out with an elderly friend, "Louise," over a similar situation, but it was politically fueled. Louise would call me, inebriated, shouting nasty stuff about my political stance. I finally hung up and blocked her on the phone. Louise is 78 and an admitted alcoholic. Cheryl and I are not; we are in our mid-60s.

I decided to text Cheryl, asking her not to use such vulgar language when we talk because it upsets me. I grew up with a father who cursed and yelled a lot, and I vowed not to talk that way. I'm not a prude. Talking with these two women triggered memories of younger years. Cheryl has now ghosted me. My text wasn't mean or brutal. Is there anything I can say to her to get my friend back, or am I blocked forever? -- OVER AND OUT IN OHIO

DEAR OVER: Because you couldn't handle Cheryl's language, you were right to tell her how it made you feel and why. As long as she's blocking you, there is nothing you can say that will get through. Perhaps it is just as well. In my view, folks who ridicule others are really not very nice at all.

DEAR ABBY: I have a neighbor I will call "Sheila." Every year, Sheila throws an over-the-top New Year's Eve party. It is not even Halloween yet, and she has already sent the save-the-date invitations. My problem is, I feel like I am boxed in to attending the party as I don't have my plans yet for New Year's Eve. I'd like to have the flexibility to be with my family or possibly attend a different type of event.

The party starts at 7 p.m., and by midnight I'm exhausted from standing and trying to make small talk at the large party. I prefer a smaller group where we can chat and socialize easily. Sheila has been known to keep track of people's comings and goings in and out of the neighborhood, so I can't hide on New Year's Eve. I wouldn't mind going for an hour or two, but more than that is just torture. Any advice? -- BOXED-IN IN FLORIDA

DEAR BOXED-IN: You are not trapped into doing anything you don't want to do. A "save-the-date" card isn't a command performance. Talk with Sheila and tell her your plans for New Year's Eve are up in the air, and that you haven't decided whether you will spend it with your family but will let her know after you receive her formal invitation.