DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced when I was in high school, and Dad kept the house I grew up in. I'm in college across town and have my own place, but I still visited Dad often. As a teenager, it used to be my job to cook the family dinner two nights a week. I loved it and continued to cook when I was visiting.

Dad now has a serious girlfriend who has moved in with him. She's uncomfortable with a "guest" being in "her" kitchen and says it's appropriate for me to only be in the living room when I visit. If I want a glass of water, I'm supposed to ask her for it. She calls it being a good host, but it feels like a power move to push me out. Dad says it's her house and her rules.

I'm sad that what was my home for 18 years is now off-limits. I get that she's insecure about the relationship and wants to put some distance between me and my dad, but I no longer feel welcome in the house I grew up in because she's so rigid. I have invited them (both) to my place, but they haven't accepted. What do I do now? -- PUSHED OUT IN ARKANSAS

DEAR PUSHED: Your father's girlfriend appears to be both controlling and insecure, and your father has made clear that he doesn't want to rock the boat. Under the circumstances, you have no choice but to follow the new "house rules." If you can abide by them, visit your dad. If you can't reconcile yourself, then you may have to wait for him to miss your presence in his life before he will consent to be a guest at your place. (What a sad state of affairs. I'm sorry.)

DEAR ABBY: I am an animal person. I love all kinds, but when it comes to dogs, I don't like the smell, the mess, the fur, the jumping, the slobbering and the general mayhem of an untrained dog. My spouse's family has many dogs, big and small. They're not trained -- the family prefers them that way. They think it's "cute" when they jump or climb on a visitor's lap. They believe it's a way to "win people over." Their dogs are allowed on the furniture, making it very smelly. They also feed them while we are at the dinner table.

I understand people love their pets and treat them like family, and I wouldn't expect them to change their ways for me. But I also don't see why I should subject myself to something that disgusts me.

Is there a polite way to tell them I am not comfortable eating or visiting in their home? I've learned the quickest way to pick a fight is to say "I don't like dogs" to a dog person. (I have a cat but would never dream of dragging her out in public or to someone's home.) My in-laws also allow smoking in their home. I am a non-smoker. I don't do bad smells well. Have you any advice? -- IN THE DOGHOUSE IN FLORIDA

DEAR "DOGHOUSE": I sure do. Be open and honest with your dog-loving in-laws. Tell them exactly what you have written to me, and (trust me on this) you won't be subjected to their hospitality again. Problem solved.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is going to be 70 next month. He is in good physical shape but has taken up smoking marijuana every day. He says he is addicted. I have told him how much I hate that he uses dope. He quits for a while and then goes back to it.

We have been married almost 50 years. I would be disappointed filing for divorce, but I am starting to think it's my only way out of a situation that has become increasingly frustrating. His doctor has told him it probably won't kill him. Seriously? What's your advice, Abby? -- POTHEAD'S WIFE IN ARIZONA

DEAR WIFE: Unless there are other reasons why you want out of your marriage, perhaps you should lighten up. Some people smoke marijuana to relax or to relieve tension, depression or even boredom. Do you know why your husband does it on a daily basis, and why you are bothered to the point you are considering divorce? Before talking to an attorney, you might benefit from attending a few Nar-Anon meetings to gain some insight. They're as near as your computer at nar-anon.org.

DEAR ABBY: I recently bought a new house. I was downsizing because my mother has passed away and my daughter went out of state to college. I invited my best friend and her son over. We have been best friends since junior high, and I love her dearly.

I actually bought my new furniture with weight considerations as a factor because she and her son weigh about 1,000 pounds combined. As they sat down, my friend joked about having broken other people's furniture in the past. Then there was an audible "crack" as they sat down on my couch. She just looked at me and made no comment.

Abby, I know friendship is more valuable than a couch, but she wants to bring more of her family over to visit. I simply can't afford to buy a $900 couch every few months. Can you please help? -- HESITANT HOSTESS

DEAR HOSTESS: Your friend should have offered to pay to have your new sofa repaired or replaced. That she heard the wood crack under the burden of their weight and said nothing speaks volumes to me. In the future, visit her at her home, but refrain from inviting her to visit or bring relatives to your home again.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have neighbors we are not interested in being friends with. We are a religious family and believe in God. They have a black ram's head hanging in their living room, if you catch my drift. They keep inviting us to events at their home or to spend time with them, and we don't know how to politely decline without making anyone angry. How do we keep our distance? -- STAYING AWAY IN NEW YORK

DEAR STAYING AWAY: Have you and your husband been accepting their invitations? If that's the case, start backing away by having "other plans." However, if they don't take the hint, begin sending them religious tracts from your denomination, and they may disappear in a puff of sulfur.

DEAR ABBY: I was diagnosed with colon cancer five years ago. After two surgeries and three hospital stays, I recovered. The experience made me realize at 62 that it was time to downsize. I moved my husband and myself into a smaller, one-story home in a lovely retirement community.

I have now been diagnosed with incurable metastatic cancer. I'm being treated to prolong my life. The treatment is hard and is taking its toll. I am having a hard time preparing my husband for when I'm gone. I think I've taken the necessary steps. I want him to be prepared, but he doesn't seem to want to prepare. We have been married for 45 years. I have briefed our daughter on where the important paperwork and legal documents are, but I want him to take the lead. How can I get him to participate? -- PREPARING IN NEVADA

DEAR PREPARING: There is no way you can force your husband to take the lead on this. He may be so emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed at the thought of losing you (after 45 years!) that he's in denial or unable to think beyond the inevitable. Be sure your daughter knows all of your wishes to be carried out before and after your demise, because she may need to step up. And forgive your husband. He will have to get through your loss in whatever way is natural for him.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine, "Jake," is going to be a groomsman in his friend's wedding. They've been friends since childhood and have been through a lot together. Jake has been in a serious relationship for more than six months, but his friend's bride has informed him that he won't be getting a plus-one invitation for the wedding. Her reason is that only people who were in relationships before they got engaged are invited to the wedding.

Jake and his girlfriend feel very insulted by this. He has spoken to the groom and explained their point of view, but the bride won't budge on her decision. In my opinion, wedding guests are always offered a plus-one when invited -- especially a groomsman! Jake feels awful knowing he'll be celebrating his friend that night while his girlfriend is at home alone. What are your thoughts? -- FAIR IS FAIR IN CANADA

DEAR FAIR: While it isn't cast in granite that wedding invitations must be issued with a plus-one, it certainly is the considerate thing to do. Guests should be made to feel as comfortable as possible. The same goes for members of the wedding party.

Being asked to be a groomsman doesn't mean agreement is compulsory. My thought is that under these circumstances, Jake might prefer to inform his friend he needs to find another groomsman and politely decline the invitation to attend the wedding and to be part of the wedding party.