DEAR ABBY: My son is 20 and a senior in college. He's a baseball player and is about to ask the girl he's been dating for a year and a half to marry him. My wife and I don't get along with her at all. She has a myriad of health problems and takes eight prescriptions a day. Because of her conditions, she rarely has the energy to do anything but lie around when she comes to our house. She used to have a job packing groceries at a market, and she would frequently log 10 to 12 miles a day walking. She quit that job for a job at an ice cream shop where she does little walking.

We had a get-together at my other son's house, and she said she couldn't come because she was too tired. My wife sent my son a message saying, "Really? From scooping ice cream?" The girlfriend needed to use my son's phone and saw the message. Her feelings were hurt, and now she will have nothing to do with us. (They still expect us to pay for their wedding, and for gas and maintenance on his car to visit her parents almost daily.) We want to support our son, but we are over it with her. There is so much more I could tell you. Please help. -- DAD WHO'S OVER IT

DEAR DAD: If your son's fiancee is taking eight medications a day, she has real health problems. Her fatigue is likely part of it. It's a shame she can't perform up to your expectations. Under the circumstances, I can understand why she would be hurt by your wife's comment. If you want to support your son, apologize to her.

I should also point out that if your son is not self-supporting, he is not yet financially prepared for the responsibilities that marriage brings with it. His fiancee may be willing to help, but her income is limited right now and could diminish to nothing if she becomes sicker. Given the current situation, it might be better if the wedding were postponed.

DEAR ABBY: My brother and his wife have three adult children. When his youngest daughter got married several years ago, my sisters and I were not invited to the bridal shower. We were told it was because it was too costly, but it still caused hurt feelings on our side. I know her other aunts were invited.

Should I say anything to my brother? I'm only asking because now his eldest daughter is engaged. I assume my sisters and I will again be excluded. I just keep wondering if they don't like us or what happened. I don't remember doing anything to them growing up or speaking ill of them or their mother. Must I just let it go and move on? -- UNINVITED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNINVITED: Rather than wait and wonder, call your brother and congratulate him on his daughter's engagement. When you do, tell him you and your sisters would love to come to the shower. His response will tell you what you need to know. If it doesn't, follow up that question with another about whether you may have done anything to cause a rift in the family.

DEAR ABBY: For nearly 30 years, my husband and I shared a close, trusting marriage. Months ago, I caught him lying about meetings he was having with a 35-year-old colleague. Then I discovered months of ongoing texts. When I asked for an explanation, he became angry and defensive. His explanation was it was work-related, that I was too controlling and that I was making a big deal out of nothing.

Because I believed this was not a trivial situation, I pressed for some resolution. Unfortunately, further discussions were heated with no resolve, just more withdrawn behavior while the communications continued.

Recently, he informed me that he realizes his behavior was unacceptable and he has ceased the communication. He said he loves only me, and he wants me to trust him again. My problem is, after all his secrecy, lies and defensiveness, I can't do that. He now carries on like nothing has happened, hoping to regain my trust. But for me, the trust has been broken.

After many years of what I thought was a loving marriage, I was blindsided. I have always valued your advice, so please help me to put things in perspective. -- BLINDSIDED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR BLINDSIDED: For nearly 30 years, you had what you thought was a solid relationship with your husband. It is now apparent that he screwed up royally. My question to you is: What do YOU want from now on? It is possible to rebuild trust after infidelity, but it will take work from both of you.

Do you want to sacrifice what you and your husband built together and forge ahead on your own? Your husband cannot act like nothing has happened, because something did. If the two of you are open to healing your broken marriage, it may require the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist, and it may take some time. The ball is in your court.

DEAR ABBY: "Carole" and I have been friends for 30-plus years. Her marriage was great as long as her husband wasn't using drugs. When he was using, he would abuse her verbally, physically and emotionally. He passed away, and she's now dating an abusive alcoholic. When he's not drinking (which is, maybe, three days a month) he's very sweet. I have tried telling her that she's enabling him, but she says she "loves" him. How can I get her to open her eyes before something bad happens? -- WORRIED FRIEND IN ARIZONA

DEAR FRIEND: What Carole really means when she says she "loves" this addict is that she needs the companionship he provides, and she's willing to put up with the abuse for three good days a month. Health care providers are required to make a report if they provide medical services to a patient who they suspect is suffering from an injury due to abuse. Short of hauling her to an emergency room if he physically abuses her, there is nothing you can do to "save" her. Let her know you are there for her in times of need and give her the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has four grown children -- one from his first marriage; three with his late wife. Talk about drama! Who talks to whom? Who can't stand whom? Who gets annoyed when one of them comes to visit us? They could be BFFs today and tomorrow stab each other in the back.

Recently, my husband has been saying he'd like to see his four children and all his grandchildren together. Actually, his exact words were, "I guess the only time I'll see all my kids together in one room is when they come to my funeral."

My husband has a milestone birthday approaching. I've been thinking about having a surprise birthday party for him at a restaurant and inviting all the kids and grandchildren. I've thought about texting or emailing all of them with a note letting them know their dad's wishes and asking them to be civil to one another for a few hours for their dad. I also want them to know that if they cannot do that, they shouldn't accept the invitation.

What are your thoughts, Abby? Or should I drop the party idea and the two of us go out to dinner? -- STEPMOM WHO WANTS PEACE

DEAR STEPMOM: I think the idea of your husband's family gathering to celebrate his milestone birthday is wonderful. Please don't scrap the idea because his grown children don't always act like adults. Invite everyone, remind them that this happy occasion should not be considered an opportunity to air any grievances, and then cross your fingers that they will rise to the occasion.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with my now-fiance for eight years. I'm five years older than he is. I know he loves me, but I'm not sure if he's still in love with me. Of course he says he is, but sometimes I think he's just comfortable with me. He doesn't show the love he used to.

I have often said I feel like I'm just here to accommodate him with cooking, cleaning and outside chores. We don't even have good conversations anymore. They're always all about him. When I tell him how I feel, things change for only a short time, and then they go right back. There are good times, but they are few and far between. I need your advice. -- DOUBTING IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DOUBTING: After eight years together, the flames of passion have been known to die down and routine takes over. What you two may need is time apart -- so you can miss each other a little and appreciate each other more. That little bit of separation may also give you something new to talk about.

Consider doing some activities you can do together, such as going on a day trip or taking up a new sport. Also, you might feel less taken for granted if those chores you described, such as cooking, cleaning and yard work, were divided or shared. From what you have written, you have been doing all the heavy lifting.