DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently moved out of state. His only living relative, a sister, recently came to visit. She has never been married. She is a retired professional and has a good retirement, especially since she has no children.

During her visit, she gave us a housewarming greeting card with a $50 Visa gift card. This was unusual as she has never in 50 years given us money. (She's very tight with her money and always insists on paying for her part of any restaurant bill separately.)

While she was here, I made a comment about her paying for a $5 coffee for her brother, and she became highly offended. (I knew she would be, so I kind of goaded her.) She then mentioned the $50 gift card she gave us and said I probably didn't even tell her brother about it even though he was in the room when she gave it to us.

We don't need her money, and I want to mail it back to her and say thanks for the thought, but we don't need it. What do you think I should do? -- THANKS, NO THANKS, IN FLORIDA

DEAR THANKS: Really? I think that rather than try to create more problems with your sister-in-law, you should write her and apologize for your comment about the $5 coffee. Instead of returning the gift card, be gracious and accept it. Shame on you for knowingly stirring the pot.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a widow. My partner died 10 months ago. We were together for seven years but never married. I have now found a partner who is 12 years younger than I am. We love each other and want to be married. My problem is, he is only separated from his wife. He says he doesn't want her and he hates her because she betrayed him. They are getting a divorce, but if I stay with him, I feel that I'll be stepping between them. What should I do -- stay and hope for the best, or leave him? -- IN THE MIDDLE IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: This romance is in its infancy. You have been widowed for only 10 months. There's wisdom in the adage that after a trauma like the one you have suffered, a person should make no important decisions for a year.

Has this man or his wife filed the divorce papers, or is he only thinking about it? If the papers have been filed, then you are not coming between him and his wife. Divorce can also be traumatic, and, frankly, I am surprised that this man would contemplate remarriage before his divorce is final. Rather than decide whether to leave him, take your time and see how this relationship plays out.

DEAR READERS: Happy Father's Day to fathers everywhere -- birth fathers, stepfathers, adoptive and foster fathers, grandfathers and all of you caring men who mentor children and fill the role of absent dads.

P.S. Also, a big shout-out to dual-role moms. I applaud you all -- today and every day. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of six and a grandma to four. We are a close family and enjoy each other's company. My mom is nearly 80. For reasons I could never understand, she didn't enjoy my children when they were growing up and didn't connect deeply with them. She once commented to me that she was bored with women her age because they were "obsessed" with their grandchildren and she wanted deeper conversations.

Mom moved away and would mostly visit just for holidays and birthdays. When the children tried to share things that were going on in their lives, she wasn't interested, and we eventually stopped inviting her to sports events and recitals because she seemed annoyed to be there.

Now that her grands have almost reached adulthood, my mother wants to connect with them. She texts them often and sometimes invites them to visit. They respond politely, and a couple have gone to visit her, but none seem interested in a deeper relationship. This bothers her, and she has been asking me to pressure them to visit her and include her in their lives more. But to them, she is a distant relative. They don't feel close to her.

What is my responsibility now? I wish they had a closer relationship with my mom, but I feel awkward telling busy young adults they must plan trips to visit someone who didn't try to establish relationships with them when they were young. Any advice? -- TORN DAUGHTER IN WASHINGTON

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your only responsibility is to remind your mother of the truth. When it was time to establish a relationship with her grandchildren, she chose to be absent. Then explain that pressuring them to include her in their lives after she excluded them from hers won't have the desired effect because that ship sailed a long time ago.

DEAR ABBY: I lost the love of my life recently. He died here in our apartment. I am heartbroken. I'm crying a lot but trying to keep myself together. I get scared being here in our apartment by myself, especially at night. I do arts and crafts and other things during the day. I have been thinking about moving back to where we used to live because there's not a lot of public transportation here. My grandkids are close by, but most times I'm alone. I am miserable. What should I do? -- ONLY ME NOW IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ONLY: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your partner. You stated that his death was recent and traumatic. Because of that, I caution you to wait for about a year before making any life-changing decisions. Consult your children and grandchildren before deciding to pack up and move.

If you feel you would have more social interaction if you return to where you used to live, that may be a valid reason. For now, join a grief support group (online, if transportation is a problem), and continue learning how to adjust to life as a single person.

DEAR ABBY: I found out that, behind my back, my best friend has been (secretly) growing hair for the past year. He knows I have been balding for many years. Although I have accepted my follicular fate, he knows I constantly search for self-improvement in my life.

What bothers me is that he didn't share the information until I mentioned I was thinking about trying Rogaine. THAT is when he told me he has been using a similar product for the past year and it seems to be working. He even took off his baseball cap (which he has been curiously wearing for a year), to show me the modest results. I doubt he would have shared this if I hadn't raised the subject.

I feel deeply shafted by his secrecy, and I don't see it as such a private matter that it had to be concealed. I do understand that he may have felt embarrassed to admit it bothered him and that he was taking steps to address the issue.

What is the rule of etiquette under the circumstances? Should a person share self-improvement methods that are modestly successful with a close friend who would clearly benefit from the information (assuming it is not so personal or private that it cannot be shared)? -- SHAFTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SHAFTED: There is no rule of etiquette that dictates anyone must share this kind of information. As close as you may think you are to this friend, try to remember that not everyone is comfortable talking about medical interventions they are using for self-improvement. This includes plastic surgery, weight-loss drugs and cures for baldness (a condition suffered by members of both sexes). Your friend was nice to mention that he has been using a product similar to the one you are contemplating, but he was under no requirement to do so.

DEAR ABBY: I recently separated from my wife and have developed feelings for someone new, "Maria." However, Maria has mentioned that she's currently dating someone. Despite this, we talk throughout the day and have spent time together, and she always seems to enjoy our conversations and outings.

I have expressed my feelings, but rather than say I'm in the "friend zone," she simply reiterates that she's seeing someone. I'm confused and unsure of what to do. I have tried distancing myself, but she continues to reach out, and our conversations pick up again. Should I step back and move on, or continue to engage with her while remaining respectful? -- BAFFLED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BAFFLED: Tell Maria you like her very much but are looking for someone to have a romantic relationship with, which is why you will be stepping back for a while. Suggest that if her relationship doesn't work out, she should give you a call, and maybe you can work something out if you're not seeing anyone. Then move on.