DEAR ABBY: My friend "Alma" has a handicapped parking permit. I never asked her why she has it. We regularly go for long walks, and she seems perfectly able-bodied. Alma did share with me once that she got the tag after an accident left her with some intermittent long-term pain. She said most days she doesn't need the accessible parking and doesn't use it, but that when her pain flares up, it's helpful to be able to utilize a handicapped parking space.

However, I have been with Alma in situations where there is limited parking and she suggests using a handicapped space. I'm uncomfortable taking a space away from someone who may need it, but also uncomfortable questioning whether Alma needs it or if it's just for convenience. What is the proper etiquette here? -- EMPATHETIC IN TEXAS

DEAR EMPATHETIC: The proper etiquette would be to tell your friend Alma (with a smile) that unless she's having pain that day, you would prefer to park a little farther away in a regular parking spot.

DEAR ABBY: I have a set of Chippendale-style dining chairs that are more than 100 years old. They are of sentimental value to me because I grew up with them. Recently, at considerable expense, I had them repaired and reupholstered. My husband's son-in-law, "Isaac," whom I love very much, weighs between 450 and 500 pounds. When the family is dining, he uses one of the chairs. They are not intended to hold such weight.

My husband and I agree that we should buy a heavy-duty chair that can accommodate Isaac's weight. However, I don't know how to convey to Isaac that the new chair is for him without causing offense or hurt feelings. Do you have a suggestion? -- TREADING LIGHTLY

DEAR TREADING: Your husband should explain the potential problem to his daughter so she can point out to her husband that a special dining room chair has been acquired for him to use at family dinners.

DEAR ABBY: My son works two jobs and takes college classes. His deadbeat girlfriend doesn't work. They broke up briefly, and she moved in with another guy, but he refused to support her, so she got back with my son again. She knows I have her number, so we do not get along, which puts a strain on my relationship with my son. He deserves a better life partner, but he doesn't see it that way. Is there anything I can do to wake him up? -- PLAIN AS DAY IN WASHINGTON

DEAR PLAIN: Your son is young and hasn't had time to gain much experience about romantic relationships. If he didn't pick up on the fact that his girlfriend left him because she thought she had found another meal ticket, and that she returned only when the guy refused to support her, nothing you can say (that you haven't already said, I'm sure) will dissuade him from having to learn a painful lesson on his own.

DEAR ABBY: My oldest daughter, "Alexa," is breaking my heart. She's engaged to a nice enough man she's been with for five years, but she has cast aside every single wedding tradition that's important to us.

Alexa won't wear an engagement ring because diamonds are "ugly" and not politically correct. She has refused to have either an engagement party or a bridal shower. Because they are forgoing a registry, my friends have no idea what to get them for wedding gifts. (Turns out, none of my friends are invited to the wedding -- only their friends and family.) She also refuses to have a bridal party, so her sisters are hurt because they wanted to be bridesmaids.

I was so looking forward to shopping with her for her bridal gown, but she doesn't want to wear one. (She bought a plain white dress instead.) Worst of all, her father can't walk her down the aisle because, in her words, she's not property to be given away. There will be no reception -- just champagne and wedding cake in the basement of the church. There's no wedding dinner, not even appetizers, and no wedding toasts. There won't be a first dance because there's no band.

I understand that she watched her younger sister turn into a bridezilla, but her sister did have a gorgeous wedding that we paid for. We're willing to pay for hers too, but she and her fiance are refusing to do anything we want. They are both doctors and can pay for whatever they want. Her father is ready to stay home rather than be ignored, and I'm not sure I want to be there either. How do we navigate this without alienating our daughter? -- RUINED WEDDING IN NEW YORK

DEAR RUINED WEDDING: You and your husband navigate this by reminding yourselves that Alexa's wedding is hers, not yours. You have already had two weddings -- your own and your younger daughter's. Comfort yourselves with the knowledge that you and your husband can spend the money you would have blown on this shindig on a luxury vacation for yourselves.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think about some relatives who asked to come and stay with us while they relocated to our state, and brought a handgun and ammunition into our home without our knowledge? We have a 7-year-old daughter! They don't think they did anything wrong and claim they were not obligated to inform us because it was locked and the ammunition was stored apart from it. -- THREATENED IN OREGON

DEAR THREATENED: From what you have written, your relatives practice gun safety. Their weapon is locked, and the ammunition is stored separately. I will assume that your child did not find or handle their weapon. That said, NO ONE has the "right" to bring a gun into someone else's home without their permission. If your relatives can't immediately find other lodging, they should check what the Oregon gun laws are and consider storing their weapon away from your house in the trunk of their vehicle.

DEAR ABBY: We were recorded on video and audio on our daughter's porch, thinking we were talking to each other privately. We were discussing how hurt we were that she didn't want to spend time with us on our 50th wedding anniversary, shortly after she and her husband moved out of state. They could easily have driven to a new RV park close to our house. Her aunt tried to talk with her about seeing family members and being with us, but she refused.

We have supported our daughter despite all the mistakes she has made. She was offended that we had no good thoughts regarding her new life in another state and confronted me about my negativity, which was caught on camera. I have apologized to no avail about my negativity, but I was angry and hurt. My husband believes she has to be the one to forgive and forget. It's been two years of sending Christmas and birthday cards with no acknowledgement. What to do? -- BUSTED IN GEORGIA

DEAR BUSTED: I agree with your husband. Remember the adage, "The best defense is a good offense"? (It is also known as the strategic offensive principle of war.) Your daughter knows she was wrong not to come to your anniversary celebration, and she also knows how upset you were about it because she has seen it on her doorbell camera. However, she doesn't want to admit she was wrong and apologize. What you should do now is continue sending holiday cards to let her know the ball is in her court, and hope that, with time, she will grow up.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have known each other for 36 years and been married for 20. He has a severe drinking problem. He still works and doesn't drink during the workweek, but he makes up for it in spades on weekends. We both stopped drinking alcohol 15 years ago. I never started again, but he did, and now he can't stop. He is too proud to seek professional help. He's an engineer and thinks he can quit on his own, but he is only fooling himself.

My problem is that he retires soon, and I'm afraid he will be drunk all the time. To me, it is a deal-breaker. We are both in our 70s. I retired 15 years ago. If I leave him, I have nowhere to go, with only SSA to support myself. Any advice you may have is welcome because I am at my wits' end with the whole thing. -- FLOUNDERING IN UTAH

DEAR FLOUNDERING: Because you didn't mention Al-Anon, the 12-step program that supports friends and families affected by a loved one's drinking, I will assume you have never attended any of their meetings. Go online to al-anon.org/info and find out whether there are meetings near you. (You may be surprised to discover there are many.)

If you attend meetings, you will find others who are experiencing problems similar to yours and learn coping methods. You might even find a roommate if you choose to move out. Please don't wait to start.