DEAR NATALIE: My partner went on a last-minute “overnight work trip” with a co-worker I’ve always had weird vibes about. They told me it was a mandatory conference, but when I asked for details, everything sounded vague. There was no itinerary, no hotel name, nothing. When they came back, they acted distant for a few days and kept their phone on silent, screen facedown. They never carry their phone with them from room to room in our house, but I noticed that they did that whenever I was around. A week later, one of their colleagues casually mentioned that the trip was optional and that most of the team didn’t go. Now I’m sick to my stomach wondering what really happened. Am I jumping to conclusions, or is something off here? – CAN’T SHAKE IT

DEAR CAN’T SHAKE IT: Clearly something is going on, or every alarm inside you wouldn’t be ringing. Not only would I confront him about what his colleague said, I would demand to see his phone. Catch him off guard. If he won’t let you, tries to delete things off of his phone or won’t let you on his apps, then you have your answer. He’s acting guilty of something and you just need to know what it is. Did he have an affair? Did he try to, but it didn’t work out? Was he just being coy because he needed a break and didn’t want you to feel bad? Who knows. He needs to come clean, or how can you move forward? It’s best that he does so you can work to repair the damage. If he won’t do that, how can he expect you to simply move on?

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend’s female best friend absolutely hates me. From the first day she met me, she’s been cold, passive-aggressive and weirdly territorial. She makes comments like, “You don’t really get him yet,” or, “He tells me everything. I’d know if something was wrong.” Recently, I found out she texts him late at night about her dating life and vents to him whenever she and her boyfriend fight. She also told him I’m “not his type” and that he “deserves someone more mature.” When I brought this up, my boyfriend brushed it off as her being “protective” because they’ve been friends since grade school. But I feel like I’m in a relationship with both of them. Am I being dramatic, or is this a serious boundary issue? – LEAVE ME ALONE

DEAR LEAVE ME ALONE: This behavior is absolutely not OK. She sounds jealous and even secretly in love with your boyfriend. I doubt he’d be happy if the situation were reversed and you had someone constantly chirping in your ear about why you should break up with him. Maybe he’s afraid to confront her. Maybe he’s also secretly in love with her, or maybe he just likes the attention she gives him. In any case, firm boundaries need to be set. She doesn’t have to like you or want to be your best friend, but she does need to be cordial. It’s also inappropriate that she does all of this while having a boyfriend. I wonder what he thinks of their dynamic? If your boyfriend can’t see how her behavior is affecting your relationship, you may need to say something like: “I appreciate that she’s a childhood friend, but I’m your girlfriend. If you want this relationship to progress, we have to figure this out. I won’t be treated like this or disrespected by her or by you.” If he still can’t understand why you’re upset, you’ll have to decide whether this relationship is worth it, especially if you keep coming in second to a “friend.”

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie” Bencivenga now streaming on YouTube.

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DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend has this “work wife,” and insists that this coworker is just a close friend. But lately it’s crossing a line. Every night, right before he goes to sleep, he texts her “goodnight (with a smile emoji)” or some inside-joke emoji that I don’t understand. When I asked why he needs to say goodnight to her, he said it’s “their joke” and that I’m being insecure. But it feels like he shares more daily updates and emotional check-ins with her than with me. They message all day, and sometimes he hides his phone or flips it over when she texts late at night. I don’t want to be controlling, but this is starting to feel like emotional cheating. Am I overreacting, or is this a real boundary issue? – FEELING LEFT OUT

DEAR FEELING LEFT OUT: If he’s hiding his phone from you, sharing inside jokes and not telling you what they are, or flipping his phone over, then something more is going on here. Yes, technology can make any of us paranoid at times when it comes to our relationships. But his defensive behavior raises questions about his feelings for this “work wife.” You need to shut this down. If he can’t be honest with you about what is going on, then it may be time to walk away from this relationship. Why should you play second fiddle in your own relationship? He needs to figure out what he wants, and you need to decide what you can tolerate. Just think about it: If this is what he is showing you, then what else is he hiding?

DEAR NATALIE: I just found out — completely by accident — that my partner went to their ex’s birthday dinner last week. They didn’t tell me about it at all. I only learned because a mutual friend mentioned it and assumed I already knew. When I confronted my partner, they shrugged it off and said it “didn’t seem important” and they “didn’t want to make it a thing.” But now I’m stuck wondering why it was important enough to go, but not important enough to tell me. They didn’t think I’d care? Or they didn’t want me to ask questions? I’m not trying to be controlling, but something about the secrecy feels wrong. What should I do? – BIRTHDAY BREAKDOWN

DEAR BIRTHDAY BREAKDOWN: This is weird. Why would he go to his ex’s birthday party in the first place unless they are “just” friends, and why wouldn’t he tell you about it? If it’s not a big deal, why hide it? Something doesn’t add up here, and your instincts are spot-on. I would bring this up again and let him know it hurt your feelings that he didn’t tell you. While you trust him — assuming you did before this happened — hiding things like this only creates a wedge between you and plants seeds of doubt in the foundation of your relationship. I’m guessing he wouldn’t like it if the shoe were on the other foot. So why did he go? Is he still carrying a torch for her? You have the right to know where he stands before you continue further down this road together. If he’s holding back how he feels, then he needs to explain himself. That way, you can decide if the relationship is worth fighting for.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie” Bencivenga now streaming on YouTube.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear

DEAR NATALIE: I recently learned that my husband has been gambling behind my back and has lost most of our savings. The only reason I found this out was because his credit card statement was on the dining room table and there were some odd charges on it. I asked him about it, and he said they were from some “online gaming sites” that he plays. This triggered me because when we first met, he had an issue with online gambling and promised to seek help. He has been lying to me for years. I am so hurt, disgusted and feel utterly betrayed. I want to leave him, but he is begging me to stay. He has profusely apologized, but how does that make up for what he has done? I know he loves me, but I’m not sure I can forgive him. We wanted to try for a baby this upcoming year, but how can I when I know what he has been doing behind my back? Any suggestions on what to do next short of divorcing him? – BETRAYED AND BROKE

DEAR BETRAYED AND BROKE: This man has stolen your hard-earned money and lied to your face about it for years. Hire a divorce attorney and get out of this mess. You may feel sympathetic toward him, but who is going to stand up for you and your future in this scenario? Why would you want to tether yourself to a person who betrayed you in such a profound way? He needs to seek help. If you take him back, he’ll never face any real consequences. He’ll know that no matter what he does, you’ll cave. You deserve so much better. I hope you realize that before it’s too late.

DEAR NATALIE: My mother has recently gotten a facelift, and she looks fantastic. She is pushing 60 and looks at least 10 years younger. She was hesitant to start dating, but my husband and I have encouraged her to get back out there. Unfortunately, she told me yesterday that she did go out on a date and had a great time — with my ex-boyfriend. Granted, my ex was several years older than me, but he is still about 15 years younger than my mom. She claims that he didn’t recognize her and they met at a bar. I don’t know if I buy this story, but the part that bothers me the most is that I dated this guy for a little over a year and we were very serious. We broke up because he was pushing for an engagement and I wasn’t ready. My mom knows all of this. Why would she want to date my ex? It’s creeping me out. I can’t tell her who she can date, but don’t you think it’s weird that out of everyone in the world, she would go out with him? What should I do? – NO BOYFRIEND BOUNDARIES 

DEAR NO BOYFRIEND BOUNDARIES: I had to read this a few times because I couldn’t wrap my head around a mother doing this to her daughter. I understand she is feeling great and has a renewed sense of self-confidence, but this is weird and creepy. Why would your ex even engage with her? Does he think it would bother you? Is this some weird way for him to seek revenge? Tell your mother exactly how this makes you feel, and don’t hold back, because this crosses too many boundaries. Mothers and daughters should not share lovers.  If your mom can’t abide by this rule — which seems incredibly reasonable and intuitive — then tell her you will need to take a big step back in your relationship. If she wants to date a younger man, that’s her business. But dating your ex makes it your business, and that is not something you should be forced to deal with. Good luck.

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie Bencivenga” now streaming on YouTube.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her Substack: @factsoverfearnatalieb