DEAR NATALIE: I recently learned that my husband has been gambling behind my back and has lost most of our savings. The only reason I found this out was because his credit card statement was on the dining room table and there were some odd charges on it. I asked him about it, and he said they were from some “online gaming sites” that he plays. This triggered me because when we first met, he had an issue with online gambling and promised to seek help. He has been lying to me for years. I am so hurt, disgusted and feel utterly betrayed. I want to leave him, but he is begging me to stay. He has profusely apologized, but how does that make up for what he has done? I know he loves me, but I’m not sure I can forgive him. We wanted to try for a baby this upcoming year, but how can I when I know what he has been doing behind my back? Any suggestions on what to do next short of divorcing him? – BETRAYED AND BROKE

DEAR BETRAYED AND BROKE: This man has stolen your hard-earned money and lied to your face about it for years. Hire a divorce attorney and get out of this mess. You may feel sympathetic toward him, but who is going to stand up for you and your future in this scenario? Why would you want to tether yourself to a person who betrayed you in such a profound way? He needs to seek help. If you take him back, he’ll never face any real consequences. He’ll know that no matter what he does, you’ll cave. You deserve so much better. I hope you realize that before it’s too late.

DEAR NATALIE: My mother has recently gotten a facelift, and she looks fantastic. She is pushing 60 and looks at least 10 years younger. She was hesitant to start dating, but my husband and I have encouraged her to get back out there. Unfortunately, she told me yesterday that she did go out on a date and had a great time — with my ex-boyfriend. Granted, my ex was several years older than me, but he is still about 15 years younger than my mom. She claims that he didn’t recognize her and they met at a bar. I don’t know if I buy this story, but the part that bothers me the most is that I dated this guy for a little over a year and we were very serious. We broke up because he was pushing for an engagement and I wasn’t ready. My mom knows all of this. Why would she want to date my ex? It’s creeping me out. I can’t tell her who she can date, but don’t you think it’s weird that out of everyone in the world, she would go out with him? What should I do? – NO BOYFRIEND BOUNDARIES 

DEAR NO BOYFRIEND BOUNDARIES: I had to read this a few times because I couldn’t wrap my head around a mother doing this to her daughter. I understand she is feeling great and has a renewed sense of self-confidence, but this is weird and creepy. Why would your ex even engage with her? Does he think it would bother you? Is this some weird way for him to seek revenge? Tell your mother exactly how this makes you feel, and don’t hold back, because this crosses too many boundaries. Mothers and daughters should not share lovers.  If your mom can’t abide by this rule — which seems incredibly reasonable and intuitive — then tell her you will need to take a big step back in your relationship. If she wants to date a younger man, that’s her business. But dating your ex makes it your business, and that is not something you should be forced to deal with. Good luck.

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie Bencivenga” now streaming on YouTube.

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DEAR NATALIE: I recently found out that I was adopted. I’m 24-years-old and I would have never known, but I took one of those DNA tests. My parents have never mentioned this to me and no one in my family has, either. I feel incredibly betrayed. I don’t know how I am going to confront them. I’ve always had a fairly good relationship with them and currently live at home while I go to grad school. How do I even bring this up? I only did the test out of curiosity when my girlfriend decided to do it, but this is just a whole other level I was not expecting. She was shocked and told me I should definitely confront them. What should I do? – NOT WHO I THINK I AM

DEAR NOT WHO I THINK I AM: You absolutely need to have a conversation with your parents. It’s a little odd that no one in your extended family ever told you, either by accident or intentionally. Clearly, your parents wanted to keep this a secret from you. But why? Were they afraid you would feel bad about being adopted? Were they worried you’d want to seek out your birth parents? Whatever the case, it wasn’t fair that you found out the way you did. You deserve an explanation. Adoption creates complex identity issues that are hard enough to navigate when you know you were adopted. Adding this shock to the mix feels unnecessarily cruel. Sit your parents down and tell them you found out through the DNA tests. Ask if it’s true, and if so, why they chose to lie to you throughout your life. Were they trying to protect you, or themselves? Those are fair questions to ask. And remember: whatever they say, you’re allowed to feel however you need to feel as you process this life-altering information. Make sure you have therapeutic support if you need it. Going to therapy with your parents could also help. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions. This is your life, and you have a right to know your own origin story.

DEAR NATALIE: My mother has a problem with money. She doesn’t know how to save a single dollar and she is constantly asking me for money. She never pays me back but always says it is a ‘loan.’ My husband and I both have great careers and can easily afford to help her. I know she buys things online all the time. When I walk in her apartment, there are always Amazon boxes stacked up against the door. She claims she is “returning things” but clearly she is living beyond her means. I love her so much. She is such a good person, but I think she is taking advantage of me at this point. But, I worry if I don’t help her, she will lose her apartment. What should I do? She’s pushing 70 and I hate to see her continue to work like she has done her whole life. How can I help her without enabling her?

– I LOVE MY MOM

DEAR I LOVE MY MOM: Boundaries are hard with the people we love — especially with the people who raised us. I’m torn on what to say because I understand that you want to protect your mom from herself, which is why you pay her rent. I also understand that you feel taken advantage of, and it isn’t your responsibility to manage her finances. But she’s your mom, and you love her. Instead of “loaning” her money every month, I see a few options that might make more sense. The first option: Don’t give her money anymore. Instead, pay her rent directly so the largest bill is off her plate. At least this way, you know she’ll always have a roof over her head. Option two: If you have enough cash on hand, would you consider buying an investment property and letting her live there? That way, you’re not just throwing money away each month but building equity. The house or condo would be in your name, and your mom could live there rent-free. Some people might think these options are too soft — that you need to show your mom some “tough love.” But it sounds to me like she’s a woman who’s worked hard all her life, probably without much financial education or guidance, and has had to make do. If you can ease her burden and care for her in this way and at this stage of her life, why not do it? Sure, you can tell her that you worry about her spending habits. Maybe you can help her set up an appointment with a financial planner to get her on a better track. Perhaps she’ll turn over a new leaf. But just in case she doesn’t, at least this way she’ll have a safe place to live.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie” Bencivenga now streaming on YouTube.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear

DEAR NATALIE: My mother is one of those women who can’t be without a boyfriend. My whole life it’s been a revolving door of men. Now that I’m a mom, I can’t imagine putting my child second to my latest relationship. I brought this up with my mom as we started planning some holiday outings. I wanted to have a few fun family events with all of us — my husband, our child, and my mom — since my child is finally old enough to really enjoy the season. My mom immediately asked if she could bring her new boyfriend along. When I asked why, she said she didn’t want to feel like a “third wheel.” I reminded her that my husband and I never make her feel that way and that this isn’t a double date, it’s a family outing with her grandchild. She said she didn’t want to come unless her boyfriend could join us. I’m at a total loss. I don’t understand why she does this, and I don’t feel comfortable having random men around my child. How do I set a boundary without pushing her away? I love my mom, but I just hate this part of our relationship. – SECOND FIDDLE FOR LIFE

DEAR SECOND FIDDLE FOR LIFE: Your mom sounds lonely and insecure, and that’s not something you can fix. It makes sense that this situation is triggering for you, especially given your own experiences growing up. It’s natural to want to protect your child from the same dynamic. Can you find a compromise? Maybe ask your mom to join you for part of the day on her own, and then her boyfriend can meet up later. If she refuses to meet you halfway, tell her that her behavior is hurtful and explain why. Has she ever heard that from you directly? This could be your chance to have an honest conversation about how her choices affected you. It may not be easy, but getting it off your chest could help you avoid carrying resentment for the rest of your life.

DEAR NATALIE: After my divorce, I promised myself I’d never lose my identity in a relationship again. My ex-husband was very controlling, and I married him young. My family adored him, which made things even harder. I’m still rebuilding my relationship with my parents after the divorce. Now that I’m dating again, I catch myself slipping into old habits: trying to be the “cool” girlfriend, never needy, always agreeable. My best friend says I’m doing it again — losing myself to please someone else. I love being in love, but I don’t want to end up resenting another partner who takes over my life. How do I stay open to love without disappearing into someone else’s world again?

- AFRAID TO BE ME

DEAR AFRAID TO BE ME: If you haven’t dated yourself yet, start there. What do you want? What do you believe in? What lights you up? You may not have had the space to explore those questions, especially after marrying young.

Maybe this isn’t the time for another relationship, but rather a time for healing and rediscovery. You’re allowed to set boundaries, even with people you love, and to speak up for yourself. And here’s a little insider tip: When a man says he likes “cool girls,” what he usually means is that he wants someone who won’t challenge him; someone who lets him do what he wants without question. Don’t fall for that. Speak your mind. Stand your ground. The right partner won’t require you to shrink yourself. They’ll walk beside you on your journey. But first, you need to find out what that road looks like.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie” Bencivenga now streaming on YouTube.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear