DEAR NATALIE: I think my dad is having an affair and I “accidentally” caught him leaving a restaurant with a woman that was definitely not my mother. I saw them leave the restaurant holding hands and she kissed him on the mouth before getting in her car and driving off. I was meeting my friend there for a drink as they were leaving. He didn’t see me and I didn’t even tell my friend because I was so shocked. My parents are the best parents in the entire world and a wonderful, loving couple. I’ve never seen my dad raise his voice or say a harsh word to my mom. What do you think is going on? What should I do? It was like my whole world was shattered overnight. What’s worse is that I live at home so I feel like this is going to be so incredibly awkward. Should I confront him? Help! – DAUGHTER IS DEVASTATED

DEAR DAUGHTER IS DEVASTATED: You absolutely need to talk to your dad when your mom is not at home. You don’t want to jump to conclusions, but you also have eyes and saw what you saw. What if he is having an affair? What is the plan here? He can’t expect you to lie to your mother, so the truth needs to come out. But what if he says it was not what it looks like. Do you believe him? Are your parents secretly separated or in an open marriage? Who knows what their relationship is like on the inside. When you do speak to your dad, please don’t be confrontational with him. Attempt an open mind and hear him out. At the end of the day, he is still your father and you love him. What is going on may not be ideal, but give him a chance to explain before you judge. If he is having an affair, he will need to take responsibility and deal with the ramifications of his actions. 

DEAR NATALIE: My son was distraught the other day after school and so I sat down to ask him what was going on. He is 14-years-old and told me that he’s having issues with his new girlfriend. I wasn’t aware that he was seeing anyone, so I inquired as to what was going on. Then he proceeds to show me his phone. His “girlfriend” is an AI chatbot. I was dumbfounded. He isn’t so much having issues with her as he is with some of his friends making fun of him. Apparently, this is a thing now and he told me that she is much easier to talk to than actual girls. I said that of course she is because the algorithm is designed to keep you engaged and tell you what you want to hear. Then, he got upset and said that I didn’t understand. What I don’t understand is how easily these kids are being duped by this tech that is causing more harm than good. How can he ever expect to function in the real world and learn how to be with human women who are not going to just bow to his every whim? Thoughts? – CONCERNED DAD

DEAR CONCERNED DAD: I am concerned, as well, because this will breed further isolation and contempt for his own peers. Instead of taking these years to learn how to socialize and build connections, AI is replacing the awkward conversations, frustrating missteps and exciting “firsts” and replacing them with cold, calculated generative artificial intelligence cosplaying as a submissive partner who never asks questions or speaks their own mind. How will he learn anything? He won’t. He will then be left angry and frustrated when people in real life don’t give him the unearned respect and praise that he is expecting. This boils down to a few things: 1. Being afraid of rejection. 2. Not wanting to put in any time or effort but expecting instantaneous results. 3. All of the reward with none of the risk. As his father, it is important that you sit with him and discuss where this leads if AI takes center stage in his romantic life. But you cannot shame him about this. He is trying to discover what he wants or doesn’t want and thinks he knows everything already. Keep the lines of communication open with him. Set healthy boundaries around his screen time. Encourage him to seek out other interests or friendships that can happen in real life. Ultimately, your role as a parent is to help him navigate the world of real relationships, where respect, communication, and effort matter. The sooner he learns this, the better equipped he'll be to handle the complexities of human connection, and avoid shortcuts that promise easy interactions but lead to nothing meaningful.

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie Bencivenga” now streaming on YouTube.

Watch Natalie’s video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

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DEAR NATALIE: I just got engaged and my partner and I decided to try couple’s therapy ahead of our wedding so that we could work out any problems before we walk down the aisle. I have a lot of trust issues from a previous marriage and it has been impacting my ability to lean into emotional intimacy. Well, after our first session, my partner said he didn’t realize just “how screwed up” my first marriage was and is afraid that we are making a mistake. He said he doesn’t know if I’ll ever be able to open up in a way he wants in a partner. I was totally blindsided by this. We have talked about my trust issues in the past, but never in depth because I was afraid to open up that can of worms. I basically told him that his response is exactly why I don’t want to be vulnerable. Fast forward two weeks and he has since profusely apologized, saying that he was just shocked and needed time to process. But now I feel confused. Should I be with someone who so quickly turned on me? It took me years to recover from the emotional trauma of my past marriage and I finally thought that I was going to marry my best friend, but now I am not sure. How can I move forward? – COLD FEET

DEAR COLD FEET: Continue with couple’s therapy and start individual therapy for yourself. It seems as though he was overwhelmed by what he heard and perhaps had never taken the time to digest what you had been sharing all along. When he had time to sit with his own feelings, he realized he was too harsh on you and has since tried to make amends. This is a good thing. People aren’t perfect and sometimes we react without thinking and from a place of fear. But if a relationship can work on how it repairs after being faced with a problem, then that is the real sign as to how successful it will be. Healing is difficult, painful and takes time. Please be kind to yourself as you work through the layers of trauma from your previous marriage. I applaud you both for taking on the work, for wanting to better yourselves and your relationship. Everyone has baggage, but when you can carry them together, it makes it a lot lighter. Stick to the process and stay connected along the journey. You and your relationship are worth it. 

DEAR NATALIE: My mother is suffering from dementia and my dad refuses to seek a care home for her. They have been happily married for 42 years, but the last three years have been really challenging since her diagnosis. Last week was the final straw for me as I have bit my tongue up to this point on the issue. He came home from the grocery store to find the smoke alarm going off. My mom had tried to make something on the stove, walked away, left it on and whatever it was burned and was filling the kitchen with smoke. She was agitated and upset. She didn’t know how to turn it off and ended up burning her hand. She is ok, thankfully, but my dad called me crying. I ended up staying at their home for a few nights to help him. I realized being there that mom is worse than I thought. I live about 45 minutes away so I try to bring dinner once or twice a week, but I have two small children and a full-time job so it becomes challenging. My husband, who is completely supportive of me, said this is getting completely out of hand. He tried talking to my dad, but my father became angry at the idea of sending mom to a home. He felt that it was a betrayal and said he could never do that. I don’t know what to do, but I am worried for both of their safety. How do I convince him? Can I? – DAUGHTER IN DISTRESS 

DEAR DAUGHTER IN DISTRESS: I am sorry to hear that your family is going through this. It is very clear that your mother needs full-time care. I understand why your dad is afraid to let go in that way, especially after 42 years together. But now their safety is at risk, so you must speak up. I would frame it this way: “Dad, you know that I love you and mom very much. And after the stove incident the other night, I started thinking about what else might happen should you need to step out of the house to pick up her medication or grocery shop. I don’t want you to become a prisoner in your own home and I don’t want mom to possibly injure herself again or worse. Would you at least come with me to look at a few memory care facilities that I found which specialize in what mom may need? It could end up improving her quality of life, and yours, too.” He may not be ready to hear this, but if you frame it in such a way that centers her safety, he may be more open to it. He may also not realize what a toll this is taking on his own health and wellbeing, either. Tread gently and do your research before you connect with him. If anyone is available by phone from a memory care facility close by to help answer any questions he may  have in real time, it may help to ground the situation firmly in the present moment. I wish your family well and hope that both your mom and dad get the care and support they need.

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie Bencivenga” now streaming on YouTube.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: @factsoverfearnatalieb

DEAR NATALIE: My oldest sister told me a huge secret about our mom. It’s so explosive I don’t dare write it here for fear that someone we know could read it. It could literally destroy my family. She made me promise not to tell. It involves my brother and my dad. I feel as though they have the right to know but my sister was adamant that I can’t tell anyone. She told me when we were drinking wine or I don’t think she would have let it slip. My mom doesn’t know that I know and it’s tearing me up inside. Do I keep the secret or come clean? Should I at least tell mom that I know? My sister found out accidentally and now it’s this whole thing. What should I do? – SECRETS WITH SIS

DEAR SECRETS WITH SIS: Since the secret is “out,” I would tell your mom that you know what is going on. If for no other reason, the resentment may build if you and her are having to lie to each other when you could just be honest. Now, this does not mean that I think you should tell your dad or your brother. This is your mother’s secret to share, not yours. Telling her that you know is very different than telling your family members who could be impacted or harmed by it. I would not put myself in the middle of their business. “Let sleeping dogs lie” as the saying goes. 

DEAR NATALIE: My girlfriend still wears a necklace her dead husband gave her. When I asked about it, she said, “It’s just jewelry and it reminds me of him.” We’ve been together for three years and I’ve thought about proposing marriage. But does this mean she hasn’t moved on? Should I be worried, or am I being insecure? I don’t want to ask her about it because I’m afraid she’ll think I’m jealous. But shouldn’t we have a clean start if we are going to get married? What do you think? – IT’S “JUST” JEWELRY

DEAR IT’S “JUST” JEWELRY: If it was “just jewelry,” then you wouldn’t be so upset about it and she wouldn’t be so protective of it. Wearing a piece that her late husband gave her may be her way of honoring his memory. It may not be indicative of the fact that she can’t or hasn’t moved on. But how would you know because you haven’t asked her? If you can’t have awkward conversations with the person you are planning on spending your life with, then how can you possibly propose marriage? Be vulnerable and real with her about your feelings. Open up about your insecurities and be willing to have a difficult conversation. If you can make it through that, then you are well on your way to standing on solid ground should you choose to propose in the future.

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie Bencivenga” now streaming on YouTube.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: @factsoverfearnatalieb