DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend of six years and I are going on vacation this fall to Italy. I have told him in no uncertain terms that I better leave Italy with a ring. He is constantly telling me that he doesn’t want to be “pushed” into marriage. But we have two kids together and own a home. What is the holdup? Should I give him an ultimatum? I love him and don’t want to leave him, but don’t I deserve a ring? – RINGLESS AND ANNOYED

DEAR RINGLESS AND ANNOYED: Six years, one house and two kids later…I would say you are as committed as they come. I don’t know what is holding him up, but I have never been a fan of ultimatums, as they often backfire. Is he afraid of marriage for some reason? Was he divorced and now doesn’t want to rock the boat? Is he just satisfied with how things are now and sees no reason to be married? If anything, there are solid legal reasons for getting, as unromantic as that sounds. Perhaps try that approach next. But I would let this slide until after Italy. He may actually be trying to surprise you and all your questions could be making him anxious. If you don’t have a ring by 2026, then see what is going on. Perhaps a couples’ session with a therapist can help you both navigate these waters. Until then, see what happens in one of the most romantic places on Earth! 

DEAR NATALIE: My wife and I have been married for about 17 years and she is the love of my life. The last few years, however, have been very challenging, as I have become disabled due to long Covid. She has had to pick up more of the financial slack as my job was incredibly physically demanding and I no longer can do that work. I feel her pulling away and I am not sure what to do? I don’t know how I would survive without her and she is an incredible mother and wife. I want to do more, but I just don’t know what that is. Any advice? – DEPRESSED AND DOWN DEAR DEPRESSED AND DOWN: I am so sorry to hear that you are having health complications that have caused you to leave your job. There are millions of Americans struggling with long Covid and so many people are afraid to talk about it because there is such a stigma. We have a lack of social safety nets, which also makes the burden worse on people. Your wife may also be struggling with anxiety and fear over your health, as well, as there are so little treatments or medical supports for long Covid. Have you tried telling her how you feel? Does she know how much this is weighing on you? Are you able to get away for a night or even have a little staycation to reconnect with one another emotionally and physically? If you have family that can watch your kids for an evening, or even a friend that can take them for a few hours, it may free up some bandwidth for you to reconnect. What are you able to do for her or for the household? Are there chores, like light housework or meal prep that you can help with? Are there things you can do to ease her mental workload, like keep track of family appointments or schedules? Whatever you are capable of doing, sit down with her and work through it. Being present with each other may help you both reclaim some sense of your relationship, mourn what was, and work towards building something new that you can cherish. Good luck to you.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My son is 22-years-old and is dating a 43-year-old woman. For reference, I am 48-years-old. My wife (who is my age) is very upset by this. I am not as bothered. I think a lot of young men date older women and there’s nothing wrong with that. My wife feels worried that she is “wasting his time” and doesn’t like that he is following her around like a puppy dog instead of focusing on building a life for himself. They have talked about moving in together and my wife wants me to “forbid” him to do this. I laughed because he is a grown man. I also feel that if I push him on this topic, he will just want to be with her more. My wife wants me to take a different approach and is demanding that I speak with him about his girlfriend. What advice do you think I should give him? I don’t want him to end up with her… but there are worse things than having an older girlfriend. – NOT AS CONCERNED DAD

DEAR NOT AS CONCERNED DAD: I can see why your wife is concerned, but I also see why you are trying to be more deliberate in your response because you’re right. If you push on this issue, he will just want her more. The best approach is a dispassionate one. If you do talk to him, you don’t have to say, “your mother wants me to talk to you…” and throw her under the bus. Just ask him how things are going with his girlfriend. When you build up that trust and recognize his autonomy, you may be surprised how much he gives in return. Respecting him as a man who can make his own decisions could benefit your relationship now and in the future. Your wife may not be in agreement with his choices, but this relationship may need to run its course. If he is in love and she treats him well, then there isn’t much to fight him on. At some point, their life paths may naturally diverge and if so, you will have built up a trust with him so he can discuss it with you and feel comfortable knowing he can be open and honest about it. 

DEAR NATALIE: I have a friend who is constantly dating one loser after another. It is always about her most recent conquest or relationship issue. She has horrible taste in men and mostly ends up paying for everything. One guy wouldn’t leave her apartment and she had to get the police involved. I’m not sure what to say to her at this point. She is 35-years-old and just likes the drama, I guess. But it really spills into our friendship because it is all she wants to talk about. I had a rough year and lost a family member as well as lost my job. She hasn’t asked about either in a meaningful way. I want to tell her how I feel, but I’m also at a point where I just don’t care. How do I not let her energy cloud how I feel about her? – CLOUDY DEAR CLOUDY: Is this a relationship or are you just a doormat for her to dump all of her drama onto? It doesn’t seem fair (or healthy) that the entire dynamic is that she gets to talk about her messed up love life and you don’t get anything in return. I am a big fan of setting boundaries with people in a way that respects your friendship but also creates a space for peace in your life. Her love life sounds traumatic and exhausting. I can’t understand why she would want to date men who bring her nothing but chaos and stress. And why should you have to bear witness to it when she doesn’t even have the decency to acknowledge what you’ve been going through? I think you should put this friendship on ice and reevaluate what you need from your friends moving forward. Because this ain’t it.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: I’m struggling with a painful situation involving my sister and I need advice. Last month, my sister got very upset that I didn’t reach out again to my nephew when he graduated high school. I had already congratulated him a week earlier, but she expected more from me on his graduation day. When I explained my traumatic brain injury makes it hard to remember exact dates without reminders, she accused me of not caring. This hurt because I thought my bond with my nephew was loving. Meanwhile, she’s never reached out to my own son. Even before my TBI, she has always found ways to be displeased with me or accuse me of things that have never happened. Her reactions are unpredictable, and I’m starting to think this relationship isn’t healthy for me. I’m afraid that stepping back from my sister means losing contact with my niece and nephew. My sister has already cut out the rest of the family from contacting her and her children (making me the only contact). She can be kind when she’s in the right mood, but cruel when she is in a bad mood. How do I know if it’s time (or if I should) step away? Thank you for reading. – CONFLICTED 

DEAR CONFLICTED: I’m so sorry that your sister can’t give you some grace in this situation. It sounds as though she has her own issues to deal with and is letting them spill over into her relationships with you and your siblings. It isn’t right for her to treat you this way but it also isn’t uncommon. Now that your nephew is out of high school, there is no reason you can’t text him and make your own plans independent of your sister. You are allowed to build relationships with your niece and nephew on your own, regardless of what “mood” she is in. Take a step back from her. You don’t have to slam the door completely. You can shut a screen door, instead, and allow what you want to filter through. This way, you can still maintain some kind of connection, but on your terms – not hers. 

DEAR NATALIE: I’ve been married for almost a decade and would consider our relationship “solid.” We have our ups and downs like any marriage, but overall it’s been good. My husband’s been distant lately, however, and I have been worried that he’s seeing someone. We had a big argument a few weeks ago and he didn’t come home that night and he’s been acting strange ever since. I’m afraid to confront him because if he is having an affair…what do I do? And if he isn’t having an affair…what is going on? I have too many questions and I’m worried about the answers. Any thoughts on how to handle this or should I just ignore it?

– SWEEP IT AWAY

DEAR SWEEP IT AWAY: I have always found the monster in the light is less scary than the one in the dark. You can’t work on something until you know what it is you are dealing with. The longer you let this fester, the worse your anxiety is going to be. If he is having an affair (or even if it was a one-night stand) that would explain his strange behavior towards you. Maybe he also feels guilty or ashamed and wants to sweep it away. But the longer he tries to ignore it, the worse it will be. Confront whatever it is so that you can deal with it and decide how to move forward. If he isn’t having an affair – and I hope that he isn’t – then you still need to understand why he hasn’t been himself. Maybe the fight a few weeks ago rattled him and he doesn’t know how to share his feelings with you. Talk it out. Take the “what ifs” out of the picture and bring your marriage back into focus. If you believe it is as solid as you say, then you will be able to deal with whatever it is you need to in order to come out on the other side stronger than ever. Good luck to you.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

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