DEAR NATALIE: My husband’s sister is disabled and has been having a hard time making ends meet. My husband wants her to move in with us for an “open ended” amount of time. I love my sister-in-law but she has a lot of health issues that need daily nursing support. That means we will be having a nursing staff coming in and out, adding to the chaos I already feel in my house. We already have two dogs, a toddler and a baby on the way. I feel as though we are bursting at the seams. I want to support my husband and be there for his sister, but I don't think it is fair to upend our lives in order to accommodate her. I am overwhelmed as it is. Any advice on how to get out of this? – I’M SPIRALING

DEAR I’M SPIRALING: Is your sister-in-law having a hard time paying her rent? Would that be something you could help with in place of her moving in? Does she need paying for groceries? Would that be something you could offer, instead? I feel for you sister-in-law and can understand the anxiety and pressure everyone is feeling in this situation. I am just wondering if there is a middle ground here so that you can keep your personal spaces separate – which may be easier on everyone. Does she have contacts through her nursing care that you could connect with to see if she qualifies for any sort of further assistance? I know it seems that more and more social programs are being cut every day, but perhaps there is something her team could help you with. I applaud you and your husband for wanting to help her – and I have no doubt you will figure this out – but perhaps have her move in as a truly last resort and see what else is out there first. 

DEAR NATALIE: My sister is a lot of fun and everyone loves being with her. Sometimes she is too much fun, though. Recently, she took my 17-year-old daughter out and they got matching tattoos. I don’t even know where they went or how they were able to do that with her being underage. Granted, it’s a small little heart on her wrist, but it is the principle of it that she didn’t ask me or my husband for our consent. My daughter thinks her aunt walks on water and was upset when I called my sister to chew her out because of this. She should not be getting tattoos when she hasn’t even graduated high school. My sister flipped out and told me I was “too controlling” and now we aren’t speaking. Help me here because how did I end up the bad guy? – FLIPPED THE SCRIPT

DEAR FLIPPED THE SCRIPT: I would be angry with her, too. It is not appropriate at all for her to take a minor to get permanent ink tattooed onto their body – especially behind her parents’ backs. But since you and your sister are angry with each other, let things cool down before you revisit this topic. Invite her over in a week or two to discuss this and how you expect her to be around your daughter moving forward. There’s this thing called boundaries. I suggest you introduce her to that concept.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

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DEAR NATALIE: My husband had a short affair about two years ago with someone he met through social media. (Not a dating app). While he and I have worked through our issues and have moved forward together, my friends cannot get beyond it. They think I am “crazy” for staying with him and think he’s “probably still cheating on me because he knows he can get away with it.” It is starting to become a problem within my friend group. There are so many side comments and if I talk with them about any issue we are having, they immediately tell me to leave him. I am not going to do that. I love him. I forgave him. I think he really is remorseful and our relationship has gotten stronger over time and with therapy. How do I get my friends to back off about this? I’m at the point now where I don’t even want to see them. Thoughts? – I’M OVER IT AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO

DEAR I’M OVER IT AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO: Infidelity is not a dealbreaker for every relationship and you don’t owe an explanation to anyone. If you feel confident in your marriage, then that is what matters. But, of course, we want our friends’ approval. Remind yourself that they are coming from a place of love – even if they are overbearing at times. They want you to be appreciated and protected. And while it is nice that they care about you, it is not their place to continually question you and belittle your decision to stay married. If this has continued to escalate, then you need to have a conversation with them the next time you are together. Start by saying that you appreciate their concern and love them all very much, but that the constant questioning of your marriage is not helping anything. In fact, it is making things worse and more uncomfortable. They don’t have to agree with your choice to stay married, but they need to respect it if they want to have a friendship with you. Now, I don’t know the details of the affair or how much you told your friends. I don’t know how often you cried on their shoulder or how long the affair lasted or what exactly happened. But, at a certain point, everyone here needs to take a step back, establish some healthy boundaries and then move forward with respect and understanding of one another. 

DEAR NATALIE: I’m a married woman in my early 30s with an incredible husband. We have two kids and a solid friend group. One of the couples who also have two kids includes a husband who is extremely flirtatious with me. Examples include extra long hugs, extra thoughtfulness around my likes and dislikes, verbal compliments about my appearance, etc. We sometimes text about our shared hobbies and niche interests, which is nice. Despite him being self aware enough to have recognized his generally flirtatious nature in the past, he does not apply said flirtation to everyone. I am noticing my own husband growing increasingly uncomfortable with the vibes here, but I feel like I’m allowed to have a friend who is also a man regardless of the level of flirtation. Am I wrong to appreciate this friendship? Should I be setting boundaries? Multiple conversations with my husband lead to an answer of no, but I don’t want to contribute to the discomfort. I also don’t want his wife to get the wrong idea. What should I do?

– FLIRTY IS FUN UNTIL IT ISN’T

DEAR FLIRTY IS FUN UNTIL IT ISN’T: Time to set some boundaries because if this was starting to impact my marriage, I would have to ask myself why I’m in need of this man’s praise and validation. Is he fulfilling something for you that you aren’t getting in your own marriage? You are absolutely allowed to have a friend who is a man. You are allowed to banter and flirt. But, if it is getting to the point where your husband is noticing, then I bet your friend’s wife notices, too. Once again, not your problem, but why put yourself in the mix here and potentially cause issues that will just make things more difficult for you? Cool it on the texts if the texts are just between the two of you and not in a group chat with your partners. It’s fine to engage with him and share interests, but if he keeps coming in for those extra-long hugs, there’s nothing wrong with you pulling back. When he compliments you, just say thanks and keep it moving. Make it clear that the flirtation is happening mostly one-way so you don’t get caught in the crossfire if his wife decides to vent her frustrations.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her weekly video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

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DEAR NATALIE: I am a thirty-year-old woman with an odd hobby. I am accomplished, intelligent, attractive and have a very demanding job. I am constantly called on to solve problems and make decisions. I perform ably and eagerly. Nevertheless, I reach points every so often where I need a break. A few years ago I discovered a way to totally relax. I have an old friend who lives around the corner from me that I’ve known since childhood. Every month or two, I ask her over for a special favor. I hand her "the bag" which is filled with cords and kerchiefs and she proceeds to bind me tightly and thoroughly as I lay face down on my bed, hogtied and gagged. I can barely move. (I wear jeans and long sleeves to protect my skin.) This routine takes place in the evening, and she comes by every hour to check on me. I may spend multiple hours like this. Of course, this may seem strange to some. But while I am bound, I have no worries, no decisions, no anything to intrude on me and I feel so utterly relaxed. It's better than a week at a spa. Knowing I can't untie myself, I'm not tempted to try. I just lie still thinking of ocean waves, flower gardens, etc. I feel a really special kind of freedom. It’s total bliss! Usually after the second hour, when my friend comes again to check, I signal her and she frees me. Sometimes, I wait for three hours. I've often wondered if my strange habit is not so strange. It's not something people would talk about but it is very satisfying. Natalie, am I a total weirdo?  – BOUND TO RELAX

DEAR BOUND TO RELAX: No, I don’t think you are a weirdo. There are a lot of people out there – who wouldn’t admit it because our culture is steeped in puritanical nonsense – who also like this kind of activity. Often, you might see this play out between romantic couples. My question isn’t so much about this activity as you enjoy it, it’s consensual and you aren’t hurting anyone. I’m more curious about your friend who is tying you up and then checks on you periodically. This is an incredible level of trust you have with one another. It’s a very intimate and vulnerable thing you are doing, and I wonder if there could be more than “friend” feelings shared between you? Do you think she may be in love with you? Could you possibly be in love with her? I could definitely be misreading this, but I don’t know a lot of platonic friends who are tying each other up like this on a regular basis. Then again – who would share that? So perhaps I’m off base, but I wonder if she is hoping this will turn into something more? Whatever the case, as long as you regularly communicate about what it is that you both want and understand that at any time either of you have the right to end this dynamic, then have fun. I hope you also find some other ways, as well to unwind, like yoga, meditation, dancing, nature walks and – of course – safe, consensual sex if the opportunity presents itself. 

DEAR NATALIE: My son, who is eight years old, said that his best friend’s dad was “taken” by ICE. We live in a very diverse community and since this incident, he has not left my husband’s side. He is terrified that they are going to take his father next, even though we have shared that we are both natural-born citizens, so that likelihood is very low. This didn’t seem to help things and we haven’t been able to get him to sleep in his own bed for a week now. He also doesn’t want his friend to be alone and has invited him over almost everyday. We are, of course, horrified by what is happening and want to support his friend’s family as best that we can while they work with an immigration lawyer to get him back home as soon as possible. I don’t know what to tell my son, but it is starting to impact his quality of life. What can I do as a mother when so much is uncertain right now? I have a hard time finding ways to reassure him when I don’t want to lie to him. – A CONCERNED MOTHER 

DEAR A CONCERNED MOTHER: I wish I had something inspiring to share, but with the way things are looking, it will probably get much worse before it gets any better. So what do we tell our children in moments like these? We tell them that we love them, that we will do everything we can to protect them and that we are here for them. You are doing that. You are also creating space for him to share his fears and concerns, giving him room to express himself. By allowing his friend to spend time with him as much as he wants (within reason, of course) you are showing him the importance of empathy and community. Having his father near him right now is vital to his sense of security, and your husband is doing the right thing by being as available as he can be. I would have him work on a list of things that he can do to feel safe and secure in the home. He can also work on a list of things he can do for his friend to help him feel safe and loved while his dad isn’t there. Perhaps they can draw his father pictures or write letters. Creating space for grieving and healing is so necessary. While you cannot fix the unforgivable and unnecessary cruelty playing out in our communities right now, your example of compassion shows your son how to be there for others. This message of love and unity will carry with him. I hope his friend’s father comes home very soon.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear